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From yesterday's Miss Manners:
Dear Miss Manners: The other night, around 6 p.m., my mother-in-law came to our house without a call or text. Just randomly showed up and started talking to us in the dining room.
I was in the middle of cooking dinner, and had timed it so that I could do other things while the food was in the oven. However, that was interrupted when she came by.
After 15 minutes, I took the food out, added sauce and put it back in for an additional 5 minutes. She saw me do this, and instead of leaving since it was clearly our dinnertime, she pulled out a kitchen chair and sat down! I'm not sure how she failed to read the room.
What is the best way to let her know, without seeming rude, that she should call or text before just popping in?
MM: This was not just any guest, and the term mother-in-law carries often-unjust overtones that are irrelevant to your situation.
If your husband's mother wants to drop by unannounced and stay for dinner, and your husband is unwilling to toss her out, you are stuck. But Miss Manners does not see why this should ruin your night.
Set her a place at the table. After dinner, she can sit with the rest of the family while you go about your evening. If she is still around when the kids go to sleep, your husband can sit with her while you catch up on work — or on a good book.
Dear Miss Manners: The other night, around 6 p.m., my mother-in-law came to our house without a call or text. Just randomly showed up and started talking to us in the dining room.
I was in the middle of cooking dinner, and had timed it so that I could do other things while the food was in the oven. However, that was interrupted when she came by.
After 15 minutes, I took the food out, added sauce and put it back in for an additional 5 minutes. She saw me do this, and instead of leaving since it was clearly our dinnertime, she pulled out a kitchen chair and sat down! I'm not sure how she failed to read the room.
What is the best way to let her know, without seeming rude, that she should call or text before just popping in?
MM: This was not just any guest, and the term mother-in-law carries often-unjust overtones that are irrelevant to your situation.
If your husband's mother wants to drop by unannounced and stay for dinner, and your husband is unwilling to toss her out, you are stuck. But Miss Manners does not see why this should ruin your night.
Set her a place at the table. After dinner, she can sit with the rest of the family while you go about your evening. If she is still around when the kids go to sleep, your husband can sit with her while you catch up on work — or on a good book.
no subject
Clearly this person is not on very good terms with her MIL or has very formal ideas of how her nights should be structured..which is not bad! Which is fine! But if this had happened to me at any point in my marriage, SOMETHING WAS UP.
Because neither my mom nor my MIL would have dropped by unannounced, EVER. If they did, I would have been concerned and focused on them. It would have been a weird thing that was a sign of something else going on with them. Is this MIL single? Widowed? Left FIL at home? What?
But if this is a recurring problem of her dropping by unannounced and unwelcome, then yes, the boundary stuff comes into play. If it's a one-off, that's not what is going on IMHO. Something else is behind it.
I feel like there is much more to this situation than what the LW presents.