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agonyaunt2025-01-13 05:54 pm
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2025-01-13 05:54 pm
Entry tags:
Dear Prudence: My FIL and SIL are awful.
Dear Prudence,
My father-in-law was a miserable old hoot while my mother-in-law was alive.
He is worse now that she is gone. We were lucky he totaled his car running into a neighbor’s mailbox and not their kid. He refuses to cook, and my husband, my sister-in-law, and I live about two hours away and come up only a few times a week. We are lucky there is a grocery store within walking distance of him. An employee was kind enough to offer to cook cut-up chicken without seasoning for my FIL if the order was placed 24 hours in advance. My FIL could walk over there and basically pick up a hot meal every day.
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Instead, my FIL and sister-in-law treated this poor employee as their personal server. My FIL made himself a pest because this employee would not drop everything to cook for him or stop to talk to him. My SIL couldn’t be bothered to remember to call in the order or remind her father when he had to pick up the food. Then this poor person had the “audacity” to go on vacation, and the replacement refused to take their crap—so my SIL tried to get the employee and their manager fired! My husband and I got told this story over the holiday with my sister- and father-in-law ranting in their delusional self-righteousness.
I am a manager in retail and have to deal with terrible customers like them every day. I lost my temper and told them they tried to ruin this poor person’s life because they were too lazy and stupid to pick up the phone and follow a reasonable rule. My FIL launched into another racist rant, and I left the table. Afterward, I told my husband I was done dealing with this. We have been bending over backward trying to help, only to receive no thanks and worse behavior. He is now upset with me. I’m just tired. I really want to call or email the company to apologize on behalf of my FIL. What should I do?
—No Good Deed
Dear No Good Deed,
You need to have a serious talk with your husband about the real issue at hand: Your father-in-law is unable to take care of himself. He lives alone, seems to have some trouble driving, and either can’t or won’t cook. This isn’t simply a case of a boomer being a nuisance but a sign of an untenable situation. Your husband (with or without his sister, who seems remarkably unhelpful) needs to make some hard decisions about caring for an aging parent. It frankly sounds as if this man shouldn’t be living on his own.
I think it may be worth a little effort to get in contact with the grocery employee, not only to apologize on behalf of your father-in-law but also to get intel from someone who’s had frequent enough contact with this man, in order to form a complete picture of his state of mind and health. The larger conversation about your father-in-law’s well-being might freak your husband out or upset him, but the longer he’s in denial about the real gravity of this problem, the worse it will become for everyone involved.
—Delia
My father-in-law was a miserable old hoot while my mother-in-law was alive.
He is worse now that she is gone. We were lucky he totaled his car running into a neighbor’s mailbox and not their kid. He refuses to cook, and my husband, my sister-in-law, and I live about two hours away and come up only a few times a week. We are lucky there is a grocery store within walking distance of him. An employee was kind enough to offer to cook cut-up chicken without seasoning for my FIL if the order was placed 24 hours in advance. My FIL could walk over there and basically pick up a hot meal every day.
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Instead, my FIL and sister-in-law treated this poor employee as their personal server. My FIL made himself a pest because this employee would not drop everything to cook for him or stop to talk to him. My SIL couldn’t be bothered to remember to call in the order or remind her father when he had to pick up the food. Then this poor person had the “audacity” to go on vacation, and the replacement refused to take their crap—so my SIL tried to get the employee and their manager fired! My husband and I got told this story over the holiday with my sister- and father-in-law ranting in their delusional self-righteousness.
I am a manager in retail and have to deal with terrible customers like them every day. I lost my temper and told them they tried to ruin this poor person’s life because they were too lazy and stupid to pick up the phone and follow a reasonable rule. My FIL launched into another racist rant, and I left the table. Afterward, I told my husband I was done dealing with this. We have been bending over backward trying to help, only to receive no thanks and worse behavior. He is now upset with me. I’m just tired. I really want to call or email the company to apologize on behalf of my FIL. What should I do?
—No Good Deed
Dear No Good Deed,
You need to have a serious talk with your husband about the real issue at hand: Your father-in-law is unable to take care of himself. He lives alone, seems to have some trouble driving, and either can’t or won’t cook. This isn’t simply a case of a boomer being a nuisance but a sign of an untenable situation. Your husband (with or without his sister, who seems remarkably unhelpful) needs to make some hard decisions about caring for an aging parent. It frankly sounds as if this man shouldn’t be living on his own.
I think it may be worth a little effort to get in contact with the grocery employee, not only to apologize on behalf of your father-in-law but also to get intel from someone who’s had frequent enough contact with this man, in order to form a complete picture of his state of mind and health. The larger conversation about your father-in-law’s well-being might freak your husband out or upset him, but the longer he’s in denial about the real gravity of this problem, the worse it will become for everyone involved.
—Delia
no subject
word.