agonyaunt | Dear Prudence: Help! A Kid Messed With Our Dog Despite Being Warned. Now His Mother Is Threatening U

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Dear Prudence: Help! A Kid Messed With Our Dog Despite Being Warned. Now His Mother Is Threatening U

My girlfriend rescued a small, fluffy, abused dog. We have been working on the training, but one behavior will not go away: the dog hates kids. He will growl and try to hide if one approaches him. Taking him on walks is hazardous because there is apparently an uncountable number of idiot parents who think letting their screaming spawn run up to an unknown dog and stick their hands in its face is fine. Half the time I have to pick up my dog because they will not listen when I say not to approach and my dog isn’t friendly. I actually had a mother argue with me that her kid “knows” when a dog is friendly and implied my dog would be better off put down than out in public. I told her she was better off putting a leash on her own kid.

So, my sister knows all about the situation with our dog. She came over with her new girlfriend … and the girlfriend’s 8-year-old kid. We put the dog in the upstairs bedroom and closed the door. My girlfriend explained that he was a rescue and not good around kids, so no going upstairs. The adults went out on the porch for drinks and the kid was playing on their tablet. The next thing you know, the kid comes out bawling and says the dog attacked him. He went upstairs, into the bedroom, and tried to drag our dog from under the bed.

Once we made sure the kid hadn’t been bitten, the fur flew. My sister’s girlfriend started to rant and rave about our “dangerous” dog and threatened to report our dog to the authorities. My girlfriend lost her cool. She told my sister’s girlfriend that she was a “moron” and a “bad mom” considering her kid refuses to follow basic instructions and thinks going through a private area is okay. At that point, I told my sister it would be better if they leave. My sister is furious with my girlfriend and demands an apology or she is skipping Christmas. This has my parents very upset. The thing is, I think the girlfriend owes my girlfriend an apology. We explained the situation and put our dog in our bedroom. The fact her son thought it was alright to wander throughout home and stress out our dog—that is on his mom.

— Dogsbody

Dear Dogsbody,

A couple of rules to live by: Don’t tell people to put their children on leashes and don’t call those children “human spawn.” Don’t call anyone a bad mom or an “idiot parent.” These things make it kind of hard for you to claim the moral high ground. And don’t spend too much time worrying about whether a person who’s mad at you owes you an apology. I mean, what’s the point if you know the person doesn’t mean it?

That said, you and your girlfriend were right when it came to how you handled the dog, and your sister’s girlfriend made a bad choice when she left her son alone in the house, presumably knowing about his capacity to follow instructions. Sure, from a legal and trying-to-avoid-having-your-pet-taken-by-the-authorities perspective, you would have been smarter to refuse to allow a child to be unsupervised with access to an aggressive animal. But you didn’t do anything that justifies your sister’s anger.

She can skip Christmas if she wants, although I think she’s bluffing and will actually be there. You and your girlfriend don’t have to do anything at this point—except hire a really, really good dog trainer.

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https://slate.com/human-interest/2022/12/dear-prudence-uncensored-letter-dogsbody.html

Jenée Desmond-Harris: I was thinking about this in combination with the heated twitter debate this week about whether parents should be able to play videos out loud for their kids on flights, and I have to say I’m just really, really surprised a civil war hasn’t broken out in this country between parents and non-parents. I mean, the contempt for children in this letter!

Joel Anderson: It’s true. And we can both admit this is part of the reason we’ve been dreading taking our sometimes “screaming spawn” onto a plane for any reason whatsoever. Maybe I was ignorant of it before, but I really didn’t understand the intensity of resentment that some people have for children. That said, to be at least a little self-aware, I also know that many parents sometimes can be so entitled and inconsiderate in a public space that it likely rubs a lot of people the wrong way.

But for just a second, I want to linger on the way this LW seemingly talks to people. “Screaming spawn.” Putting a leash on another person’s child. Being cool with your girlfriend running up on the sister’s girlfriend in an aggressive manner after their child did something very child-like. I’m not saying that the LW is out looking for fights every day.
I will say that, you know, maybe LW should think about the way they and their partner talk to other folks.

Jenée: Right, we are both a little extra self-conscious and dread causing a disturbance, so as a result our child will probably experience air travel for the first time at 15 and won’t spend much time at adult gatherings at other people’s homes until he can be fully engaged by a chapter book and reliably follow instructions. Oh well.

Anyway, they are chaotic people. And I’m not saying that’s WHY the dog is the way it is, but its behavior kinda matches their personalities.

Joel: Lol. So the dog is an asshole because they’re assholes, eh? But seriously: Obviously they care about their very surly pet very much.

I will say this: Did they ever consider not having guests over to their home? Perhaps guests don’t quite understand how hard it is to manage their dog. And given that, especially when children are part of the equation here, maybe they should discourage guests and meet their family and friends somewhere there’s absolutely no chance for interaction with the dog. The LW said the sister understood the situation but … obviously they didn’t. Because if someone told me, “Hey our dog is an asshole who hates children,” I probably would want to keep my kid or kids away.

Jenée: Right, it was clear from the first line that they were not taking a lot of responsibility for the dog. “Taking him on walks is hazardous because there is apparently an uncountable number of idiot parents …” Ummm, no, taking him on walks is hazardous because he is a dangerous wild animal!

Anyway, I still think the sister’s girlfriend was in the wrong when it came to putting her child in danger after being thoroughly warned and then blaming the dog owners for what happened. But LW and GF are no angels.

Joel: Absolutely. At this point, I think your original advice is the right one: There’s not much for them to do if they’re not willing to apologize. They’ll just have to find out if the LW’s sister is bluffing or not.

But maybe there’s a way to mend this: Apologize for being so aggressive and insulting in their approach to the sister’s girlfriend, and say that they understand that it must have been a frightening experience for the sister and her child. Be open to the idea that they need to visit a dog trainer. And remind the sister that if they were to come over again, maybe the girlfriend’s child shouldn’t be left unattended and they can volunteer to watch him in shifts while they socialize.

Seems like it’s all too far gone right now, especially since the sister’s girlfriend already has CPS on hold. But this situation doesn’t have to be this bitterly contested. That said: it doesn’t sound like they’d have a great holiday gathering anyway.

Jenée: Not at all.

I wonder if some of that boiling frustration folks have with parents and kids is the fact that a ton of parents allow their kids to run rampant, take little to no responsibility for said kids getting into trouble and in fact scream at everyone else that its their fault that precious Susie refused to listen and got scratched. Or precious Liam tripped the waiter because you all had him running around in the restaurant and refused to get him to sit down, but hey, its the waiters fault somehow. Or precious Jenny has just turned over a pile of clothing in the store and well isn't it your job to clean it up? How dare you be pissed off at the extra work for shit pay? The customer is always right! And like why would you not have headphones for folks who are watching media on a plane bus or any enclosed area? Of course loud as hell media on in already uncomfortable and enclosed space is bloody annoying! Folks get mad at adults who talk loud on the phone and play their media loud too? I just feel like there are a ton of parents who seem to feel that kids should be able to run free, or that its not their problem to watch their kid. And there should be no complaints about the destruction they might cause, and its everyone else's fault when the kid gets hurt. And I really disagree with that point of view.

I wonder if some of that boiling frustration folks have with parents and
kids is the fact that a ton of parents allow their kids to run rampant,

Some of it definitely is. But as ever there are people who use reasonable annoyance as an excuse for unreasonable bigotry. Some suggestions I've heard for dealing with problems with parents, all of which I think would not help:

1) stop offering maternity leave because it encourages people
2) fire pregnant women
3) ETA: ban anyone under 5, or 8, or 20, from air travel
4) forcibly sterilize women "who won't be good parents", often BIPOC (I've been told I should be one of those forcibly sterilized, more than once)

As ever the unreasonable make it harder for the reasonable to be reasonable.

Edited 2022-12-02 18:18 (UTC)

I just feel like there are a ton of parents who seem to feel that kids should be able to run free, or that its not their problem to watch their kid.

In a literal sense, sure. A ton of people is actually not very many people, even if they're all underweight.

But I see people make this claim over and over again, and I gotta say - it never matches my perception, which is that most kids are about as reasonably polite as most adults.

in fact scream at everyone else that its their fault that precious Susie refused to listen and got scratched

I've never seen this

Or precious Liam tripped the waiter because you all had him running around in the restaurant and refused to get him to sit down, but hey, its the waiters fault somehow

or this

precious Jenny has just turned over a pile of clothing in the store and well isn't it your job to clean it up? How dare you be pissed off at the extra work for shit pay

or this!

And like why would you not have headphones for folks who are watching media on a plane bus or any enclosed area? Of course loud as hell media on in already uncomfortable and enclosed space is bloody annoying!

I *have* seen this. It is just as likely to be adults only who are playing their music and videos without headphones - and the sneering resentment I got the one time I told a couple to turn it down because my two niblings had massive crippling migraines and we just had half an hour more before we were home and they could go to bed. Like, wow.

I am very glad that your experience has been free of those issues. Awesome for you! And I am sorry that the adults were assholes to your kids.

Oh god they were the worst, just like the worst. After five minutes of listening them bitch and moan about how asking them to turn down their sound was literally assault, I finally went back to them, pointed out the highly visible police who are stationed on the SI Ferry for every trip, and told them that if they really thought I assaulted them they ought to just tell the cops.

As someone who works customer service in a place where we get a lot of kids, this is true -

--Kids are loud, kids run around and make noise and touch things they aren't supposed to touch. If a family with kids leaves, everyone in the whole library immediately notices the noise reduction. This is pretty much regardless what the parents are doing because: kids, no volume control. But if this is your only exposure to kids, you're going to see this as a 'kids out of control' problem.

--One adult cannot effectively supervise more than about three under-sixes by themself in a public place while also doing other things. They just can't. They can probably keep them from running into traffic but that's about it. (There are more families like this than you might think if you don't spend time in public spaces that explictly invite them in, because the parents are *very aware* that this is true.)

--Some parents are really bad at attempting even minimal supervision of their kids. This is a parent problem, not a kid problem, but it's still a problem.

--The worse a parent is with their kid, the more likely they are to throw a fit at anyone who tries to improve the situation, or make a giant fuss if the kid gets hurt or upset (and by "worse" I don't mean "kid throws a loud tantrum" or "three-year-old is high energy", those parents apologize and are sweethearts. I mean "pays absolutely no attention to them" or "encourages them to commit property damage".) Unfortunately, once they have encountered two or three of this sort, most people just assume all parents with loud kids are that way, because it's not worth the risk of finding out.

(Vast majority of parents: kid they were supervising closely manages to trip and hit their head on furniture, is bleeding profusely. Parent comes to the desk and asks if we have a paper towel or something because they're afraid they made a mess. We have interrogate them to even find out there was an injury and talk them into even borrowing the first-aid kit.

Small yet very consistently loud minority: kid they were completely ignoring in favor of their phone trips stumbles slightly while running full-speed across the room, worried staff member politely reminds them no running in the library, parent suddenly appears and cusses them out for trying to parent *their* #%W$ kid who they know what's best for, get the @#%W# away from us, they'll sue.)

Or precious Liam tripped the waiter because you all had him running around in the restaurant and refused to get him to sit down, but hey, its the waiters fault somehow

I've been the waitress in this type of situation. Back in late 2007/2008 I was working a few shifts a week at a pizza place - parents and two kids came in on a busy night, their son was wearing Heelys and kept skating around the dining room. I asked him a couple times to please be careful, within earshot of the parents, because their table was right next to the area where I had to pick up pizzas to deliver them to tables - kid skated right into me and a hot pizza fell on him, the parents threw a fit, and the family had their entire bill comped. I'm pretty sure that the only reason I didn't get fired was because the table next to them told the manager they'd heard me tell the kid to be careful and saw him slam right into me as I turned around from the pizza window

yeah i'm really not a dog person but i think they're a bit off here. like, there's clearly other resentment here but, like... telling someone to put their kid on a leash is super rude, but i mean, so is telling someone they should kill their dog. also i don't think the dog is an asshole; it's an abused animal that doesn't want strangers near it? the dog growls and barks and hides away to get out of situations where it's scared (& even here, didn't bite the kid). animals aren't assholes just because they aren't perfect playthings. and i say this as someone terrified of dogs.

which, also, idk, it is good for kids to learn that not all animals are friendly & that they should respect the autonomy of creatures smaller than themselves? i mean, ideally not through rushing up to a clearly terrified dog and getting swiped at.

anyway, lw and gf are in the right in terms of the things they actually are doing. but then the stuff they say is super jerky and mean. especially w/ like... your actually family that you want to maintain a relationship with. like, yeah, people aren't going to want to hang out with you if you call them idiots and bad parents, no matter what the situation was.

"Did they ever consider not having guests over to their home?"

The impression I got was the kid was a surprise addition to the proceedings, so: Yes, actually, they did!

"taking him on walks is hazardous because he is a dangerous wild animal!"

Danger levels here are -- Dog on leash: low. Dog not on leash: higher. And, now that I read closer, LW doesn't specify if the dog IS on a leash when they take walks. I was all set to be defensive on LW's behalf, but that's unknown, so: use a leash LW.

And, I grudgingly admit, get professional training, if that's not what you're doing already.

1) I often wonder about that civil war myself. I read Ask a Manager and there are always people complaining bitterly, sometimes misogynistically, about coworkers with kids. Breast milk is a filthy substance which should not be pumped and stored in the office, parents should be docked pay since they are obviously not working as hard as non-parents, and so on. It's pretty scary. LW clearly despises parents and children. I wouldn't be friends with him.

That Said.

2) Jenae, this dog is not "a dangerous wild animal" it's an abuse survivor which LW and his GF are trying to give a safe loving home to recover from being ABUSED. This is a good and caring thing they are doing! And LW was quite clear to his sister's GF about what was going on with the dog. I think eight years old is old enough to know not to go into a room with a CLOSED DOOR in SOMEONE ELSE's HOUSE, and to know not to be rough with another living thing such as dragging it from its hiding place.

I do think Sister's GF owes LW an apology for her son disturbing the dog, and I hope she told her son what he did wrong and not to do it again. I tend to be pretty hard on dog owners because a not insignificant proportion of them really don't care if their pets hurt someone, or more than don't care, but LW and his GF clearly don't fall into that category, for which I commend them. And a significant proportion of people really do act the fool around pets, especially smaller ones, and Sister's GF and her kid DO fall into that category.

All in all I hope the dog recovers and is happy, and Christmas sucks anyways.

Thank you! The "dangerous wild animal" comment was unwarranted. A dog that is traumatized by a specific situation which the owners avoid but that other people are willfully inflicting on it... Sheesh. Animals have boundaries too.

(People's hang-ups about breast milk are bizarre, aren't they? That's a whole level of misogyny that drives me nuts.)

Americans are so weird about breast milk and breast feeding. I remember the first time I encountered a guy who argued that breastfeeding in public was ethically the same as urinating in public and I couldn't even argue because I was too busy staring in shock.

Come to think of it, when Dilbert made that comparison is around when I stopped reading it (and then found out what an asshole Mr. Adams is).

I cannot unsee that analogy now!

Isn't it horriffic?

I have a lot of grievances against past coworkers with kids, but breast milk in the fridge is 100% reasonable as long as it's in a sealed container! Just like orange juice or cows milk or any liquid! I was very o.O at the breast milk complainer.

My grievances against past coworkers with kids were:

a) parents were often allowed to take leave without question if their kids were sick, whereas nonparents were harassed and criticized for taking sick leave (and sometimes even referred to HR for taking sick leave!)

b) they brought their kids to work when their kids were contagious, and got all their coworkers sick

c) they brought their kids to work, and didn't supervise them for hours, and the kids ran around shouting and screaming and getting into people's rubbish bins, and then the parents got angry if there was anything not kidsafe in the rubbish bins

d) during times of deadline crunches, they got to leave work at 3pm/5pm because of their kids, and people without kids had to stay to 7pm or even midnight

e) people with kids always got first pick of who got to take what days off work

f) if I was unwell or exhausted, people with kids would scoff at me and say "you don't know what tired is!". The fact that at the time I was coming down with a chronic illness that now has me so exhausted that I have to use a power wheelchair to leave the house and am mostly bedbound would suggest that I did, in fact, know what tired was.

I have absolutely no issue with parents who *don't* do a, b, c, d, e or f.

e) Yep.

f) Ugh. Sounds as if they were jealous of your child-free existence in which you couldn't possibly be as tired as them, poor sleep-deprived parents.

Word. I am either inbetween or in a third category -- I wanted to be a parent but didn't end up being so -- and the only one of these I don't totally condemn is letting parents leave at the normal leaving time, because that may be when their childcare ends and that can be a hard limit. But don't punish the people without children for it -- extra work should be rewarded.

Parenting is difficult but that does not at all excuse being an asshole about it.

Re: F, I was just complaining about something similar yesterday. One of my friends (E) is about 6 1/2 months pregnant with her second child; we have a small group chat with one other friend (L), and E is constantly talking about how she's so tired because she's pregnant, she gets out of breath so easy because she's pregnant, she has weird emotional outbursts because she's pregnant, her entire body hurts because she's pregnant, etc. But L and I are both childless, and while pre-pregnancy E was roughly 125 pounds and a fitness addict, L and I both weigh over 200 pounds and are actively trying to lose weight. So like yeah, you get winded, your body hurts, you're tired...at least you have an end date. We ALSO have aches and fatigue and get winded because we're obese. And brain fog? E, you know that I have chronic depression and that I've been dealing with a lot of mental health issues this year, do you really think I haven't been having issues with brain fog and forgetfulness when I've been dealing with insomnia, medication adjustments, and really bad melancholic phases? Being pregnant does not make you special.

An exercise for the reader: how many of these points are in fact management problems, and not necessarily coworker problems? Like point A: non-parents were harassed and criticized by who? Because my problem there would be with the harassers and critics.

I mean....parents either need a) available to them, or b) will happen. You know?

I have worked in several work places where a) was the case and b) happened anyway :(

Some of those are problems with company policy, not parents.

Others, definitely problems with parents.

(a) is definitely a problem with the company management, not the parents. Everyone should be able to use their sick leave without harassment. A lot of the "privileges" afforded parents are things they need but that employers owe all employees.

The breastmilk thing is fully ridiculous. I don't know if he despises them or if he is sick and tired of being sick and tired of multiple bad experiences but...

Yeah I have had some unfortunate experiences with dog owners, so I actually came to this with a raised eyebrow, but the gf and the kid for me were the issue here.

Disclaimer: I don't have children, I knew from an early age I never wanted children, and my patience for screaming children running rampant is very limited (that said, I would never hurt a child).

From the letter, I didn't get the impression that LW called children "screaming spawn" and parents "idiot parents" to their faces. It's just how LW feels about them when s/he is annoyed (as would I).

I actually thought "you should put your own kid on a leash" was the perfect retort to someone who suggested the dog should be put down (provided that the dog itself was on a leash).

I do agree with Prudence's suggestion to hire a good dog trainer. The poor dog shouldn't be living in fear.

Exactly. The letter gives no evidence that they said these things, and they seem to be understandable reactions to the stress and exhaustion of dealing repeatedly with dangerous situations caused by people's poorly-parented and poorly-managed children. Children are frequently literally screaming, and it is reasonable to be annoyed at this! Dogs are NEVER safe to approach quickly, unexpectedly, very close, as a stranger, and parents whose children do this in their presence ARE being idiots! If they reacted in the moment by accusing people of these things, it would be rude and probably counter-productive but not unprovoked. But I think the letter implies that those phrases are their internal narration only.

The kid being on a leash when the kid cannot be trusted to stay out of a closed door in a stranger's house who has told you why you can't go there and that there's a dog that you can't bother there? At least this suggestion would have prevented the situation from occurring! If your kid can't be trusted to do this, your kid is not well-trained enough to be left unsupervised. Meanwhile, the dog did NOT actually bite anyone, so it wouldn't even be put down at the strictest (and least reasonable and morally incorrect) interpretation of the law!

The whole answer rubbed me the wrong way and the conversation underneath was even worse. Even though the core of the advice was not incorrect, their attitude was needlessly butthurt about the whole thing. (Not to mention that calling people names, even if they did it, wouldn't 'make it hard to claim the moral high ground' against people who come into your house, ignore your warnings to break into your bedroom and assault your dog and then get aggressively in your face threatening to have your dog killed. The moral elevation of these two stances is widely distant.) And almost every single thing they said in the discussion part was wrong.

To be fair, they said that (to put the kid on a leash) while out walking with the dog and a mother told them the dog should be put down when her child didn't turn out to be the dog whisperer she thought it was.

They didn't say it to the sister's girlfriend, at least not according to the letter.

Oh yeah, true, fair. Good catch.

However, the comment is even more apt in the situation where they did use it.

My impression from the letter is that this LW is really, really fed up with these parents who do not observe a clearly stated boundary and who do not train their children to observe a very, very necessary precaution ("do not approach a strange animal without permission from its owner"). There are a lot of snappy dogs and swatty cats around and children are for good reason taught not to approach them.

I do not believe that the LW spoke as vehemently in person as in this letter. They're venting.

Any child who goes into a closed bedroom in someone else's house is to be disciplined. That's not okay for a kid or an adult.

I guess I'm pretty fed up with the entitled parents rearing entitled spawn, too.

Agreed!

Any child who goes into a closed bedroom in someone else's house is to be disciplined. That's not okay for a kid or an adult.

Yeah, that was where I lost sympathy for the sister's GF. What her kid did was just about inexcusable and threatening to call the authorities on the dog (which showed more forbearance than any of the humans in not actually biting the kid) was the wrong response on her part for several reasons, not least that it was the incendiary point in the discussion. I don't generally approve of calling people bad parents to their faces but I can understand why LW's girlfriend did.

That's the impression I got, too. This LW comes across as a jerk, but they also have a point. And the sister's girlfriend's unsupervised kid did barge into a stranger's closed bedroom in order to drag a dog out from under furniture.

Okay wow. I do have a young kid, and I am not particularly a dog person, and if my kid went upstairs and into a host's bedroom (after explicitly being told not to) and tried to drag a dog out from under a bed (after explicitly being told the dog was not good around kids), then . . . yeah, that would be my kid's fault? And I suppose by extension mine as well, but this is an eight-year-old child, who by now should theoretically have the brain power and impulse control to be making his own decisions about whether to follow rules or not. (And if you know your kid lacks that level of impulse control, then sure, it's your fault if you leave him where he can cause trouble instead of requiring him to come out to the porch with the adults and play on the iPad there.)

The one thing I might have done differently is close and lock the bedroom door to keep the dog isolated. "Screaming spawn" and "leash your kids" attitude aside, holy crap, the dog doesn't hate kids, the dog is afraid of kids, and that's what LW should tell people rather than "the dog isn't friendly." Jesus. (Then you'll get parents telling you it's okay, their kids are really friendly and gentle, though. Oy.)

Being an indoor room the bedroom might not have a lock on it.

Dear LW:

All four of you are extremely unpleasant people. You will be happier if you never interact with anyone who has a life unlike yours. Maybe your parents should ban you all from Christmas and go to a resort.

Also, your dog won't stop hating kids because you won't stop hating kids, and since you actually do seem to care about the dog, you should find some training that actually focuses on you and the way you convey your feelings to your dog. A dog that attacks kids, even if thoroughly and unfairly provoked, is a dog that might be put down will ye nil ye, and you have to get over your own distaste for the dog's sake.

Maybe your parents should ban you all from Christmas and go to a resort.

Bwee

"Don’t tell people to put their children on leashes and don’t call those children “human spawn.”"

WellActually, Pru, she called them "screaming spawn," which is different.

But anyway.

All four parties involved owe each other apologies.

The home-and-dog-owners ONLY owe apologies for blowing up and being jerks after the event itself, but if they want to be reasonable adults, they should apologize for that part.

The kid and the sister's girlfriend have the actual responsibility for Doing A Wrong Thing, ie, going into a private area of the home where they had been told not to go and then messing with the dog. *Both* of them should apologize.

I don't care who skips Christmas. Have some coal.

You deserve whatever Prudie got paid.

Well, I don't, really, because the Christmas part *is* important, to LW and their family. It's just, if the sister is still angry (because no one's apologizing to anyone), then it's hard to have a Christmas where everyone's steaming at each other. So it's their preoccupation, but not actually the *problem*.

I never really understood the "everyone must be here or Christmas is Ruined" attitude anyway. It's not Pokemon. Just let the people who can/want to be there attend and email the others, IDK.

That and Thanksgiving. Everyone Must Be In Harmony, Comma Dammit.

(With Christmas, at least there's presents you have to get to people, so there's a reason to Be Together. But it's still a stressball creator.)

Edited (ok i'm done now) 2022-12-02 18:47 (UTC)

If this was AITA on Reddit, I'd be giving this an "everyone sucks here" rating.

My sister and her family live on the other side of the country. They came over this summer with their daughters, who were 8 months and 2 1/2 years. The toddler looooooves cats, and I have a cat, but my cat is a nasty piece of shit. Before we went into the house, I got down to my niece's level and said "I need to tell you something important, okay? I have a kitty, but she is not a nice kitty and she gets very scared. So if you see her you can wave hello, but we're not going to look for her and we're not going to touch her, okay?" About 45 minutes later the cat snuck down the stairs to creep on us - niecelet got excited, went to go towards the cat, then stopped, waved, and whispered "Hi kitty!" If a toddler can listen and follow a "leave the animal alone" rule, why can't an 8-year-old?

At the same time, this letter writer really does not like children, does he? I'm surprised this letter isn't from a childfree forum.

All of the adults here have handled this poorly. Jesus.

"If a toddler can listen and follow a "leave the animal alone" rule, why can't an 8-year-old?"

because not all children are the same?

--signed, someone who has been trying to get their 13-yr-old to fucking stop bothering the cats all the goddamn time since said 13-yr-old was an actual literal baby but neurodivergence and hyperfixation are, you know, Things.

(10 year old? has been able to leave animals alone on request since about age 8 months. they are also neurodivergent but are not hyperfixated on cats.)

If my kid did that, my reaction would be to apologize to the dog owner for the distress to the dog. And then kid would be getting a lecture on "this is why you were told not to do this", and way less sympathy than they'd normally get for an injury.

I am glad the columnist started with the warning against telling parents to leash their children and calling children "human spawn." I side with the LW here, but I do not like the LW.

As a parent, I would be relieved if somebody took responsibility to control their unpredictable and potentially dangerous dog. LW took the right steps by putting the dog away and giving their visitors a warning. I would make sure my children knew to leave the dog's room alone and would watch my children to guarantee compliance. This incident is on the kid's mother.

"I side with the LW here, but I do not like the LW."

... I could have just written that instead of my screensful of ranting, ahahaha

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Dear Prudence: Help! A Kid Messed With Our Dog Despite Being Warned. Now His Mother Is Threatening U

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