Care & Feeding: I Just Discovered a Beloved Teacher Has Horrific Beliefs

[minoanmiss]

My wife and I are a same-sex couple with four children. She is transgender. Our youngest daughter is set to start first grade in a couple of weeks. Her assigned teacher also had two of our older children, and we thought she was phenomenal. She was always supportive and respectful to my wife and me and welcomed our involvement and presence in her classroom.

I inadvertently found out through a mutual friend of ours that this teacher is, among other things, very anti-LGBTQIA. She was in favor of Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” bill and wishes our own state (a blue one) would pass a similar law. She has also shared homophobic and transphobic material on Facebook. To say that I am disgusted and disappointed is an understatement. I’m not sure how to proceed. I no longer feel comfortable with my daughter being in her class even though she was great with my older ones. I don’t think I can handle dealing with this teacher knowing how she feels about people like my wife and me and our family. I’m also concerned too for any future LGBTQIA kids and families who may wind up with her as a teacher. I’m not sure the principal will honor any requests for classroom reassignments this close to the start of the school year, even though I truly feel discriminated against now. —Love is Love

Dear Love,

This is a tricky one, and I see two sides of it.

First off, it’s clear that this woman is good at her job as a teacher, and that’s very important. As a Black man, I’m sure that a few of the “phenomenal” teachers I had growing up secretly hated everything about me and probably “N-bombed” me under their breath or in private. As long as those teachers left their bigotry at home and didn’t let it seep into the classroom, that’s really all I could ask for. Through my work, I know that I can’t cure every racist of their disease—and yes, racism is a disease of the mind. However, I can ensure that they don’t infect anyone else in the workplace. In your case, you may want to swallow hard and move forward since she hasn’t shown any bigotry towards any of your kids previously.

On the other hand, you have every right to feel enraged and betrayed by her views. You mentioned that she posted hateful things on social media, but how do you know for sure? I’m assuming she’s “smart” enough to not have a public Facebook page to spew her nonsense, so I’m curious to know how you found out. If you know that she definitely has these feelings, you could approach the principal with this information and ask for your daughter to be moved into another classroom. Kids have been moved into different classes right before school starts for much less than this, so I wouldn’t fault you if you tried.

There’s a large part of me that believes this teacher shouldn’t be within a half-mile radius of any classroom. There’s also a part of me that believes she should be allowed to do her job as long as her views are kept private. I think the best compromise is to strongly suggest that your daughter be moved into another class. If for whatever reason that doesn’t work, then you should schedule a private meeting with the teacher to share your disappointment about her views. At the very least, she’ll be put on notice that others know about her true feelings, and will try even harder to be on her best behavior while at work (and online).

Comments

[minoanmiss]

1) Doyin, WHAT. as ever
2) I was just grappling with this subject in general and here's an example in specific.
3) I have no idea what I would do here. This is one of my nightmares. (Certainly not the private fight Doyin suggests, sheesh)

[gingicat]

Being as my own child got into trouble for standing up to a teacher..

[minoanmiss]

i'm never going to stop being so proud. :)

[ambyr]

“I’m assuming she’s “smart” enough to not have a public Facebook page to spew her nonsense, so I’m curious to know how you found out.”

Why on earth would he assume this???

[movingfinger]

"She has also shared homophobic and transphobic material on Facebook."

LW, you know you need to find another place for your kid. It's inconvenient. It's annoying. Do it.

Doyin, do you even read the letters?

[cimorene]

I mean... I'm not a parent but I can't imagine I'd even consider leaving them in this classroom. WTF.

[lethe1]

I inadvertently found out through a mutual friend of ours

Does she mean the friend is a friend of both her and her partner? Or does she mean the friend is also friends with the teacher? In which case, why isn't LW bothered that the friend apparently doesn't mind the teacher's anti-LGBTQIA stance? And has LW seen the Facebook posts herself, or is this just hearsay from the friend?

So many questions.

[adrian_turtle]

"Mutual friend" may well mean Facebook friend, not emotional friend. The teacher could have the minimal caution to look around the context and check that there aren't any queer people listening before putting honophobic/transphobic shit in a conversation about veterinarians or gardening or whatever.

[lethe1]

Ah, thanks. I am not on Facebook, so hadn't thought of that.

[ethelmay]

Being superficially nice to parents while working behind their back to destroy them is not having "private views" that won't hurt kids. (Incidentally, the friend might have seen the teacher post on a Facebook group or something - they needn't be personally friended on FB for the friend to have seen something that couldn't be found on a public search.)

It comes down to the famous quotation by Robert Jones, Jr. (often misattributed to James Baldwin - Jones used to post on Twitter as "Son of Baldwin"): "We can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist."

[edited to add: "it’s clear that this woman is good at her job as a teacher" - I'll take "Things That Are Not Fucking Clear" for $500]

[lethe1]

Ah, yes. I am not on Facebook, so hadn't thought of that.

[shirou]

I wish LW had said a bit more about how he knows the teacher's views. Does she have proof, like screenshots? If so, I would take them to the administration. The teacher deserves the consequences of her actions. If not, it may be hard to do anything, I'm afraid. Schools tend to resist moving students between classes.

[ekaterinn]

From a former P-12 educator, LW should be That Parent and demand that your child be moved out of her class. If she has proof of the teacher's views (screenshots and such), bring them to the school administration. Threaten to go to the media if they have to or otherwise publicize her views. If the principal or whoever tries to bush her off, she or her wife should be calling or going by the school every day until their child gets moved. I can pretty much guarantee that they can be more annoying than the prospect of changing rosters.

After their child is moved, they should consider ways to let other LGBTQ+ families in the district know about this teacher's views.