agonyaunt | Care & Feeding: I Just Discovered a Beloved Teacher Has Horrific Beliefs

My wife and I are a same-sex couple with four children. She is transgender. Our youngest daughter is set to start first grade in a couple of weeks. Her assigned teacher also had two of our older children, and we thought she was phenomenal. She was always supportive and respectful to my wife and me and welcomed our involvement and presence in her classroom.

I inadvertently found out through a mutual friend of ours that this teacher is, among other things, very anti-LGBTQIA. She was in favor of Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” bill and wishes our own state (a blue one) would pass a similar law. She has also shared homophobic and transphobic material on Facebook. To say that I am disgusted and disappointed is an understatement. I’m not sure how to proceed. I no longer feel comfortable with my daughter being in her class even though she was great with my older ones. I don’t think I can handle dealing with this teacher knowing how she feels about people like my wife and me and our family. I’m also concerned too for any future LGBTQIA kids and families who may wind up with her as a teacher. I’m not sure the principal will honor any requests for classroom reassignments this close to the start of the school year, even though I truly feel discriminated against now. —Love is Love

Dear Love,

This is a tricky one, and I see two sides of it.

First off, it’s clear that this woman is good at her job as a teacher, and that’s very important. As a Black man, I’m sure that a few of the “phenomenal” teachers I had growing up secretly hated everything about me and probably “N-bombed” me under their breath or in private. As long as those teachers left their bigotry at home and didn’t let it seep into the classroom, that’s really all I could ask for. Through my work, I know that I can’t cure every racist of their disease—and yes, racism is a disease of the mind. However, I can ensure that they don’t infect anyone else in the workplace. In your case, you may want to swallow hard and move forward since she hasn’t shown any bigotry towards any of your kids previously.

On the other hand, you have every right to feel enraged and betrayed by her views. You mentioned that she posted hateful things on social media, but how do you know for sure? I’m assuming she’s “smart” enough to not have a public Facebook page to spew her nonsense, so I’m curious to know how you found out. If you know that she definitely has these feelings, you could approach the principal with this information and ask for your daughter to be moved into another classroom. Kids have been moved into different classes right before school starts for much less than this, so I wouldn’t fault you if you tried.

There’s a large part of me that believes this teacher shouldn’t be within a half-mile radius of any classroom. There’s also a part of me that believes she should be allowed to do her job as long as her views are kept private. I think the best compromise is to strongly suggest that your daughter be moved into another class. If for whatever reason that doesn’t work, then you should schedule a private meeting with the teacher to share your disappointment about her views. At the very least, she’ll be put on notice that others know about her true feelings, and will try even harder to be on her best behavior while at work (and online).

Care & Feeding: I Just Discovered a Beloved Teacher Has Horrific Beliefs

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