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agonyaunt2021-12-22 01:00 pm
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2021-12-22 01:00 pm
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Care & Feeding: I Think My Husband’s Constant Demand to Get a Dog Is Sexist
Is this like when people tell women they’ll change their minds about kids?
Dear Care and Feeding,
Let me start by saying I think it’s great that other people have pets. I just don’t want one in my house. I’ve frankly never understood the appeal of having an animal who needs daily care throughout its life, especially if that care is going to involve shedding, excrement, and a smelly house. I’ve always wanted children, but part of what excited me about them was that they grow, learn, and slowly begin to take care of themselves more and more. Now I have a child (a toddler), and I adore him. My husband seems to be of the opinion that every child needs a pet. I don’t agree with that sentiment and have explained why. He seems mostly contented with that for now. But what’s really bothering me is my husband’s seeming insistence on the inevitability that our child will someday wear us (me) down on the issue. Is it really so unreasonable to maintain that we are going to have a pet-free household? Is it possible that this is just a version of people continually telling women that they’re going to change their minds about having kids?
—Pet-Free Please
I chuckled when you said you don’t want the responsibility of picking up an animal’s poop and dealing with a smelly house when that is literally what raising a tiny human is like. Sure, tiny humans grow into not-so-tiny humans eventually, but it certainly isn’t clear sailing from that point. Also, people have been trying to convince other people to do things they aren’t interested in since the beginning of time. Hell, I think I received five calls in the past week from salespeople trying to get me to extend my car’s warranty. It’s nothing new, really.
Not that this matters to you, but I also share the same belief that your husband has about pets, in that every child should grow up with one. There are plenty of animals that don’t shed and make the house smell (my dog is one of them), and if pets were such horrifically annoying creatures, then 70 percent of Americans wouldn’t own them as they currently do now. That’s because the pros far outweigh the cons in terms of pet ownership, and one of the pros is what pets can teach our children. Responsibility and empathy are two of the biggest ones.
In your defense, my wife was very similar to you and offered the same concerns that you had. I kept pushing because I knew my kids wanted a puppy (especially during the pandemic when we were all stuck at home), and I knew it would benefit them. Then I finally struck a deal with her. I said that the kids and I would handle 100 percent of the walks, feedings, vet bills, poop cleanup, etc., and she could just enjoy the fun parts of dog ownership — namely the snuggles and belly rubs. She ended up taking us up on it, and she completely loves our puppy and couldn’t imagine her life without him in it.
You may believe that you’ll never do what my wife did, and that’s fine—but what will happen when your kid gets older, and he wants to have a dog or cat? It will be two votes against one— so consider the feelings of everyone in your household. Like I said earlier, I think a fair deal would be to have your husband and son handle everything pet-related. The healthiest families I know are the ones who believe in compromise.
—Doyin
Dear Care and Feeding,
Let me start by saying I think it’s great that other people have pets. I just don’t want one in my house. I’ve frankly never understood the appeal of having an animal who needs daily care throughout its life, especially if that care is going to involve shedding, excrement, and a smelly house. I’ve always wanted children, but part of what excited me about them was that they grow, learn, and slowly begin to take care of themselves more and more. Now I have a child (a toddler), and I adore him. My husband seems to be of the opinion that every child needs a pet. I don’t agree with that sentiment and have explained why. He seems mostly contented with that for now. But what’s really bothering me is my husband’s seeming insistence on the inevitability that our child will someday wear us (me) down on the issue. Is it really so unreasonable to maintain that we are going to have a pet-free household? Is it possible that this is just a version of people continually telling women that they’re going to change their minds about having kids?
—Pet-Free Please
I chuckled when you said you don’t want the responsibility of picking up an animal’s poop and dealing with a smelly house when that is literally what raising a tiny human is like. Sure, tiny humans grow into not-so-tiny humans eventually, but it certainly isn’t clear sailing from that point. Also, people have been trying to convince other people to do things they aren’t interested in since the beginning of time. Hell, I think I received five calls in the past week from salespeople trying to get me to extend my car’s warranty. It’s nothing new, really.
Not that this matters to you, but I also share the same belief that your husband has about pets, in that every child should grow up with one. There are plenty of animals that don’t shed and make the house smell (my dog is one of them), and if pets were such horrifically annoying creatures, then 70 percent of Americans wouldn’t own them as they currently do now. That’s because the pros far outweigh the cons in terms of pet ownership, and one of the pros is what pets can teach our children. Responsibility and empathy are two of the biggest ones.
In your defense, my wife was very similar to you and offered the same concerns that you had. I kept pushing because I knew my kids wanted a puppy (especially during the pandemic when we were all stuck at home), and I knew it would benefit them. Then I finally struck a deal with her. I said that the kids and I would handle 100 percent of the walks, feedings, vet bills, poop cleanup, etc., and she could just enjoy the fun parts of dog ownership — namely the snuggles and belly rubs. She ended up taking us up on it, and she completely loves our puppy and couldn’t imagine her life without him in it.
You may believe that you’ll never do what my wife did, and that’s fine—but what will happen when your kid gets older, and he wants to have a dog or cat? It will be two votes against one— so consider the feelings of everyone in your household. Like I said earlier, I think a fair deal would be to have your husband and son handle everything pet-related. The healthiest families I know are the ones who believe in compromise.
—Doyin
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Fish I agree with because fish involved dealing with water parameters and even fish people and professional aquarists unilaterally agree that maintaining the habitat and health of their animals is a pain in the behind.
Buuuuuuuutt... I bought my first snake after 20some years about 6 weeks ago.
Even in my overinvested, overprotective nature, my snake has added about 45 seconds extra work to my average day. That includes daily posts to her Instagram. And that 45 seconds is only because I don't have her daylight & basking combo lamp on an outlet timer.
They eat once a once a week to once every two months depending on size, poop once per meal, and if you go with a drought tolerant species like a rosy boa or kenyan sand boa it's not the end of the world if their water bowl sits dry for a couple of days. They don't need or want a snake friend. They don't care one way or another if you don't have time to love on them or walk them, and pretty much every aspects of husbandry can be automated except feeding and water dish refilling. A snake can lead a great life in a big enriched enclosure with little to no human interaction.
If the kid wanders off? It's nowhere near a dog's worth of extra labor for the kid's caretaker.
Tldr snakes are probably the best pet for a beginner pet owner, and with good education and some light supervision I'd absolutely recommend them for pretty much any kid old enough to moderate their grip.
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You got the snake! !!!!! why don't I have an appropriate Minoan icon?
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I DID! her name is Snekscalibur, because she is a rosy boa and her head stamp and dorsal stripe make her look like a very wiggly sword.
(Rosys are stripey the long way, not the short way)
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She sounds BEAUTIFUL. Want me to make a Viewing of the Snake post in my journal?
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YES PLEASE
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YouTube channels I highly recommend:
Wickens Wicked Reptiles
Clint's Reptiles
Snake Discovery
Elle's Reptiles
Reach Out Reptiles (although Garrett is pretty strictly a dwarf/superdwarf reticulated python guy, some of his info is applicable to all python species.
Top 5 reptiles for X videos are a great place to start.
Wickens is the god of care guides; his bigger is better enclosure philosophy is gospel to me and he genuinely loves every animal in his collection. The other go-to ace for reptile care guides is reptiles magazine.
(Bigger is better also applies to height. With very few exceptions, snakes will climb of you give them the opportunity to climb.)
Get an individual that's already eating frozen/thawed prey, because transitioning from live to FT is a pain.
From there you'll just keep a Tupperware full of dead rodents in your freezer and replenish every few months.
Your web marketplace for reptiles is morphmarket.com; you use their DM function to talk directly with breeders and arrange shipping and payment.
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Of course! I'm a few years into snake research so don't hesitate to poke me with any questions you have!