Dear Prudence: My Brother-in-Law Is Secretly Sleeping With a Married Couple for Cash

[ermingarden]

Dear Prudence,

My brother-in-law disclosed to me that he had multiple sexual encounters with a married couple in exchange for money. He and my sister are struggling financially, and when he first mentioned that he was propositioned, I urged him to decline the offer because no good would come of it. That was about a year ago; then recently he said he gave in (at least twice, I guess) because they needed the cash. However, he has not told my sister. I am upset that he thought it OK to engage in an affair like this and upset that he disclosed this to me and expects me to keep it from my sister. They have two young children, and I know if I said anything to my sister, their family would implode. Keeping it from her also feels bad because if she were ever to find out that I knew, it would destroy my relationship with her.

—No Good Options

Dear No Good Options,

Why would he tell you this? Maybe on some level he wants you to tell your sister. Perhaps she can tell him to stop? Or she can know how hard he’s working to support the family? I really have no idea. But you don’t owe him anything, and you don’t have to keep this secret. Tell your sister, and she can decide whether or not her family implodes over it. This is a much better scenario than risking your relationship with her by hiding what you know.

Comments

[ermingarden]

If LW's BIL were telling the truth about his motivations, I would feel bad for almost everyone here – though worst for LW's sister. I do agree with Prudie that telling the sister is the best course of action; she deserves to know (if nothing else, because he could be exposing her to STIs!).

I do think that on some level BIL wants to have sex with this couple independent of the monetary concerns, and must know Sister wouldn't go along with it; otherwise, if it really were just about the money, why wouldn't he bring it up with her so they could discuss other options?

[minoanmiss]

I really need to resist the plotbunny.

[oursin]

Sid and I have questions concerning protection and whether there might be legitimate health issues to raise with sister.

[harpers_child]

If BiL wants to do sex work to cover the bills, that's a conversation BiL and Sister have to have. If sister is cool with BiL doing sex work, then no problem (other than LW having to know about it). If sister is not cool with BiL doing sex work, then BiL and Sister need to have more conversations.

LW should be left out of it either way.

[firecat]

There's quite the close relationship between BIL and LW, apparently, since he's been telling LW all about his prostitution adventures for a year?

If I were LW (but with my values), I would tell him "I don't have a problem with the prostitution, but my sister deserves to know. Tell her or I will, you have one week."

And then I'd grieve the loss of any good parts of my relationship with them, because whatever happens that relationship is gonna change, even though it's not my fault.