Dear Prudence: I found my ex's cash stash

[minoanmiss]

I just got out of a financial and romantic wreck. My boyfriend moved his mistress into my guest bedroom, telling me she was a co-worker who “needed a place to stay.” During this time, he sideswiped a fence while driving my car (his had stopped running), causing $2,000 in damage. When I found out the truth, I kicked them both out; she stole some clothing and electronics from me before leaving town. My ex refused to pay for the damage to my car and called me last week, accusing me of taking more than $10,000 in cash that his parents had given him to buy a new car. I told him he was out of his mind and hung up.

He also left a lousy old couch at my place and refused to come pick it up. I asked him if he was ever going to haul it away, and he told me to throw it out. While I was pushing it out to the curb, I found an envelope full of cash under one of the cushions. I haven’t told anyone what I found. I heard from mutual friends that my ex now thinks his other girlfriend stole the money. Part of me wants to wait a few months, then use the cash to fix my car and celebrate. I think that would be fair, given the pain and suffering they put me through—and they actually owe me more than that for the food and shelter I was conned into giving them. I really don’t want to have any further contact with him. The only thing giving me pause is that it is technically his parents’ money and they were always kind to me. I used to consider myself a kind and generous person, but all of this has made me very cynical. I can’t tell anyone I know about the money, so I am asking you.

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This is the setup to an amazing O. Henry story, or at the very least a mid-career Carrie Underwood music video, but it’s probably a lot less fun when it’s your real life and you have to deal with the prospect of either dealing with your awful ex or feeling guilty whenever you think about his parents. I think the best option is for you to contact his parents directly, tell them that you found the money when you were getting rid of some of his things, and return it to them directly. You can attempt to collect the money your boyfriend owes you either through your insurance company or small claims court, which will take more time and energy than just taking the $2,000 directly out of the envelope you found. Part of me wishes I could tell you to keep the money as payment for services rendered, but (and we both knew this was coming) this isn’t just your ex’s money. It’s his parents’, and I think you would find it hard to live with yourself if you thought of the anguish they might have experienced to think the $10,000 they set aside for their son to buy a replacement car is gone, even if their son is an unmitigated creep and coward.

If nothing else, think of how awful it would feel to lose the moral high ground if your ex ever learned that you’d found his money and took you to court over it. He sounds exactly like the kind of guy who’d do that.

Comments

[bikergeek]

When I was a kid and a young person in the '70s and '80s there were a substantial number of older Americans (mostly born prior to the early 1930s) who didn't use banks or who did so only reluctantly. They had a severe distrust of banks and the banking system due to the events of the Great Depression.

Up through the 1990s a lot of banks accepted utility bill payments in cash with no fee, for those who couldn't mail a check. You could typically cash a check written to you at the bank that issued it, on presentation of proper ID, again with no fee. (This included your paycheck, which was usually drawn on a local bank.) Nowadays you have to do all that at a check-cashing storefront and usually the fees for any of that are substantial.