Dear Abby: sister "got religion"

[lemonsharks]

DEAR ABBY: I have a much older sister who has become very religious. Most of her life decisions are based on her faith, so conversations tend to develop into faith-oriented topics and justifications. I don’t initiate these conversations, and I make a genuine effort to understand her perspective. When I am not able to, I have mastered the “smile and nod.”

My problem is, anytime I bring a friend or date to a family function, she drags them off to the side and begins to question and discuss the importance of faith. Since religion is a widely varied and highly sensitive topic, this can sometimes be uncomfortable. I recently asked her to stop doing it, and I haven’t heard from her since. How can I explain healthy boundaries to her so we can have a respectful relationship? — YOUNGER BROTHER IN GEORGIA


DEAR YOUNGER BROTHER: If part of your sister’s religion is advancing it or converting others to her faith, you won’t be able to convince her to stop. I agree that what she’s doing can come across as obnoxious. Because you can’t control what she says or does, you may have to stop bringing friends or dates to family functions where you know she’ll be present. Otherwise, warn them in advance so they can either avoid being cornered or get away from her.

Comments

[naath]

I assume LW continues to car for sis, because if not he could simply cut her out, she's being seriously awful to his guests here. But... if he says 'hey sis quit it' then chances are good her fellow cultits say 'oh gosh, isn't your brother awful' and this pushes her further into their arms and away from her pre-conversion friends/family. This kind of obnoxious behaviour is a common way to alienate the new cultist from any outside life, this making them more dependent on the cult; if LW wants to get sis out of there... there are organisations that can help (I have no idea).

If sis has joined a reasonable faith her co religionists should be on board with the 'unwanted proselytizing is not cool' train, focussing her desire to relate her joy in the faith to places/times where that is wanted by the audience.

[lemonsharks]

Un/fortunately, not all evangelical religions are by definition cults, and her new faith family could very well double down on encouraging her to keep doing the thing/supporting her doing without actually abusing her or working to separate her from her nonreligious network.

The letter is giving me STRONG vibes of Jehovah's Witnesses (which is a cult), which complicates things as you described.