minoanmiss (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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agonyaunt2019-12-17 02:26 pm
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2019-12-17 02:26 pm
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Dear Prudence: EPIC TREE WAR
Q. Passive-aggressive Christmas ornaments: I have had an exclusively beach-themed Christmas tree for about 15 years because it matches my home's decor and, quite frankly, I'm a bit obsessed with all things seaside. All my ornaments are sentimental, from trips and the times I've lived by the ocean. I had children a few years ago (who are ocean-themed-named), and my mother-in-law wanted to start getting them ornaments. To my horror, last year she got each of them several forest critter ornaments and aggressively asked why they weren't on the tree. When I capitulated and put them in not-visible areas, she got upset and moved them up front. She is generally domineering toward me, and this is just one more bizarre outlet for her.
My husband doesn't want to get in the middle (he doesn't care about Christmas anyway), and I have floated a small tabletop tree idea for the girls, but he's not wild about that either. I am really thinking about the long-term—these ornaments could pile up and take over my theme, which would make me sad. I take a lot of joy from my mermen, octopuses, flamingos, etc. Am I being unreasonable, or should I make a stand?
A: On the one hand, I don't love that your husband has attempted to stay out of "the middle." Saying he doesn't care about Christmas but continuing to let the two of you plan it, while he presumably still shows up/eats the food/looks at the decorations/marks the holiday with you, strikes me as a little weaselly. But on the other hand, I can’t join you in a sentiment like "To my horror, my children received forest-themed tree ornaments." Even if your mother-in-law is a really difficult person, I don't think this is the battleground to start with. If there are other areas where you'd like to say no to her and you want to enlist your husband's perspective and support, by all means have at it. And by all means limit the number of her ornaments you put on the tree if they're threatening to tip the tree over. But adding, say, three to five stoat- and pine marten–themed ornaments to an otherwise consistently marine Christmas-scape isn't going to hurt. Figure out the important things you need to change, talk to your husband about helping you maintain a polite, relatively friction-free relationship with his family, and let this one go.
My husband doesn't want to get in the middle (he doesn't care about Christmas anyway), and I have floated a small tabletop tree idea for the girls, but he's not wild about that either. I am really thinking about the long-term—these ornaments could pile up and take over my theme, which would make me sad. I take a lot of joy from my mermen, octopuses, flamingos, etc. Am I being unreasonable, or should I make a stand?
A: On the one hand, I don't love that your husband has attempted to stay out of "the middle." Saying he doesn't care about Christmas but continuing to let the two of you plan it, while he presumably still shows up/eats the food/looks at the decorations/marks the holiday with you, strikes me as a little weaselly. But on the other hand, I can’t join you in a sentiment like "To my horror, my children received forest-themed tree ornaments." Even if your mother-in-law is a really difficult person, I don't think this is the battleground to start with. If there are other areas where you'd like to say no to her and you want to enlist your husband's perspective and support, by all means have at it. And by all means limit the number of her ornaments you put on the tree if they're threatening to tip the tree over. But adding, say, three to five stoat- and pine marten–themed ornaments to an otherwise consistently marine Christmas-scape isn't going to hurt. Figure out the important things you need to change, talk to your husband about helping you maintain a polite, relatively friction-free relationship with his family, and let this one go.
no subject
I'd not eat another person's peanut butter, first, of course, because it's theirs, and second, some people lick the knife, etc....(although a scenario such as this one would have never occurred to me!) :P