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Dear Amy: Less than two weeks ago, my mother passed away after a battle with cancer. She was a wonderful mother to my sisters and me, and though my grieving began with her diagnoses, I'm devastated that she's gone.
Our father passed away four years ago, and, like my mother he was a wonderful parent.
For the past year I've been living with my boyfriend and his 93-year-old mother. We've broken up a few times over the past 20 years, and -- suffice it to say, he's been verbally and physically abusive. He is also charming, humorous, adventurous, (sometimes) kind, and is very handsome.
He has always lived with his mother, and she is often insulting, judgmental, and meddlesome.
Three years ago, my boyfriend was diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer. He's been enormously strong mentally and physically; however, with each passing month, the cancer is taking its toll.
I'm so conflicted; I want to leave this relationship, as I question why I have fallen back into its tentacles over and over again.
How do I leave this man when he's suffering from terminal cancer?
-- Conflicted
Dear Conflicted: So far, you seem to have made many important choices in a reactive way -- you've bounced in and out of this relationship with a man who has been physically and verbally abusive. His situation seems to be deteriorating, and you are thinking of bouncing.
How can you leave this man who has terminal cancer? How can a man physically abuse a woman he is supposed to love? Human beings are sometimes inhumane.
Yes, you should have left a long time ago. Now you have to behave in a way that is both humane toward him, and protective toward yourself.
Your own mother's death may have unlocked something inside you. Call it a self-protective spirit. Perhaps she worried about you as you have cycled through this abusive cycle.
You should move out. But you should also consider remaining in a friendship with this man, in order to be supportive and emotionally -- if not physically -- present.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/askamy/s-2299063?fs
Our father passed away four years ago, and, like my mother he was a wonderful parent.
For the past year I've been living with my boyfriend and his 93-year-old mother. We've broken up a few times over the past 20 years, and -- suffice it to say, he's been verbally and physically abusive. He is also charming, humorous, adventurous, (sometimes) kind, and is very handsome.
He has always lived with his mother, and she is often insulting, judgmental, and meddlesome.
Three years ago, my boyfriend was diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer. He's been enormously strong mentally and physically; however, with each passing month, the cancer is taking its toll.
I'm so conflicted; I want to leave this relationship, as I question why I have fallen back into its tentacles over and over again.
How do I leave this man when he's suffering from terminal cancer?
-- Conflicted
Dear Conflicted: So far, you seem to have made many important choices in a reactive way -- you've bounced in and out of this relationship with a man who has been physically and verbally abusive. His situation seems to be deteriorating, and you are thinking of bouncing.
How can you leave this man who has terminal cancer? How can a man physically abuse a woman he is supposed to love? Human beings are sometimes inhumane.
Yes, you should have left a long time ago. Now you have to behave in a way that is both humane toward him, and protective toward yourself.
Your own mother's death may have unlocked something inside you. Call it a self-protective spirit. Perhaps she worried about you as you have cycled through this abusive cycle.
You should move out. But you should also consider remaining in a friendship with this man, in order to be supportive and emotionally -- if not physically -- present.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/askamy/s-2299063?fs
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