minoanmiss (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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agonyaunt2019-10-15 03:05 pm
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2019-10-15 03:05 pm
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Dear Care & Feeding:"Guess Who May Not Be Coming To Dinner"
(I had to snag that line) Dear Care and Feeding,
My 15-year-old son is dating a black girl in his grade at school. She’s great, they’ve been dating for a year, we spend lots of time with her, and she makes him very happy.
Here’s where it gets complicated: This year, Thanksgiving is at his mother’s parents’ home. They are racist as heck. Do we invite her to come with, as we certainly would if she were white? No one wants scenes at family holidays, but obviously we also wouldn’t want our son (or ourselves!) to sit by quietly if his grandparents said insulting, racist things to his girlfriend.
—Guess Who May Not Be Coming to Dinner
Dear GWMNBCtD,
I wouldn’t subject a 15-year-old girl to this. She’s not here to be a Teaching Experience for old people. If you feel confident that someone will say something racist to her, tell your son that his grandparents will be jackholes to this young woman.
But the answer isn’t to attend Thanksgiving at those jackholes’ house, with your son, without her. He can spend Thanksgiving, with his girlfriend’s family, if asked, or you can celebrate Thanksgiving with her in your own home, and explain to your wife’s parents that your son is dating a young black woman and you don’t feel comfortable bringing her to their home because of their previous racist comments.
They may swear up and down that they won’t put a foot out of line. I still wouldn’t run that risk. Being racist has consequences, and they are going to experience one of those consequences this year: not spending Thanksgiving with their grandson. That’s a great Teaching Experience in and of itself—one that doesn’t put the burden of doing the work on a young black woman.
My 15-year-old son is dating a black girl in his grade at school. She’s great, they’ve been dating for a year, we spend lots of time with her, and she makes him very happy.
Here’s where it gets complicated: This year, Thanksgiving is at his mother’s parents’ home. They are racist as heck. Do we invite her to come with, as we certainly would if she were white? No one wants scenes at family holidays, but obviously we also wouldn’t want our son (or ourselves!) to sit by quietly if his grandparents said insulting, racist things to his girlfriend.
—Guess Who May Not Be Coming to Dinner
Dear GWMNBCtD,
I wouldn’t subject a 15-year-old girl to this. She’s not here to be a Teaching Experience for old people. If you feel confident that someone will say something racist to her, tell your son that his grandparents will be jackholes to this young woman.
But the answer isn’t to attend Thanksgiving at those jackholes’ house, with your son, without her. He can spend Thanksgiving, with his girlfriend’s family, if asked, or you can celebrate Thanksgiving with her in your own home, and explain to your wife’s parents that your son is dating a young black woman and you don’t feel comfortable bringing her to their home because of their previous racist comments.
They may swear up and down that they won’t put a foot out of line. I still wouldn’t run that risk. Being racist has consequences, and they are going to experience one of those consequences this year: not spending Thanksgiving with their grandson. That’s a great Teaching Experience in and of itself—one that doesn’t put the burden of doing the work on a young black woman.
no subject