![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Dear Social Q’s: Wardrobe Policing
Question: My nephew recently married a lovely woman. His parents, who are fond of her, are socially conservative. They notice that she often wears low-cut tops, even to family dinners, which makes them uncomfortable. They mentioned this to their son, who, perhaps ill-advisedly, told his wife. Now, hurt feelings abound. How can they be friends again? And how would you have addressed this issue?
ANONYMOUS
Answer: What’s the magic word? Keep guessing if you thought, “please.” The only truly magic syllables are “sorry.” And that’s what your nephew’s parents should say to their daughter-in-law. They have insulted her in a couple of ways. First, if they don’t like low-cut blouses, they should not wear them — ever, even if they’re marked down 75 percent. But no need for them to police the wardrobes of other adults. (“Uncomfortable” with someone else’s top? Unless there’s an office dress code, get a real problem.)
An apology may also fix the bad dynamic they fostered. Criticizing their new daughter-in-law, behind her back, as if their son controlled her and her wardrobe, was a low-probability shot. Now that they know that Sonny won’t play — and good for him! — they should only tell him things about her that they would say to her face. And unless they revel in estrangement, I’d accentuate the positive.
ANONYMOUS
Answer: What’s the magic word? Keep guessing if you thought, “please.” The only truly magic syllables are “sorry.” And that’s what your nephew’s parents should say to their daughter-in-law. They have insulted her in a couple of ways. First, if they don’t like low-cut blouses, they should not wear them — ever, even if they’re marked down 75 percent. But no need for them to police the wardrobes of other adults. (“Uncomfortable” with someone else’s top? Unless there’s an office dress code, get a real problem.)
An apology may also fix the bad dynamic they fostered. Criticizing their new daughter-in-law, behind her back, as if their son controlled her and her wardrobe, was a low-probability shot. Now that they know that Sonny won’t play — and good for him! — they should only tell him things about her that they would say to her face. And unless they revel in estrangement, I’d accentuate the positive.