Dear Abby:Opinionated Dad Has Plan to School College Daughter on Politics

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Jason," and I have a 19-year-old daughter, "Laurie," who finished her freshman year of college with a 4.0 GPA. She has always been a great student and is interested in theater, music and dance. She has never given us any trouble.

My husband is very conservative and opinionated about politics. Our daughter has become much more politically liberal over the last couple of years. Jason thinks it is disrespectful of her to not want to listen to him try to influence her to think like he does (he has tried before). I have told Jason she needs to work out her own political beliefs and, as she matures and sees how the business world works, she'll probably become more moderate.

Jason is now insisting that we set a time when "the three of us can talk," which means he will lecture her about where she is wrong. What can I do as a mother and wife to mediate this meeting? I think both of them are pretty dug in. -- LOVE THEM BOTH IN ARKANSAS

DEAR LOVE: I see no way that what your husband has in mind will be either pleasant or productive. However, because he is her father, Laurie owes him the respect of hearing him out. When the conversation becomes heated -- as it very well may -- suggest a timeout until they both cool down. Or leave the room if it becomes too stressful for you.

Comments

[kutsuwamushi]

Abby isn't right, here. Respect is reciprocal - she doesn't owe him the respect of hearing his political opinions, because he clearly doesn't respect hers. This isn't going to be a conversation; it's going to be a lecture in which the patriarchal father figure tries to set his wayward daughter straight.

It's gross, and when you consider the type of political opinion he likely has it's grosser. Political views are not equivalent in their moral content, and right-wing thought is so poisoned by hatred. You might disagree with some of the far-left's ideas about tactics, but they're not saying that Muslims and Hispanics should be banned, that women shouldn't get "special treatment" (be treated equally), or that black people are ungrateful thugs and BLM is a terrorist movement. Just what is he going to change his daughter's opinions to?

Abby should say that this conversation isn't a good idea--that the LW has the right of it and that this lecture shouldn't happen. That "Jason" needs to get over himself and the idea that he's in control of his family, right down to their political opinions. Then she can give pointers about how to mitigate the damage if it can't be prevented. But, ugh.

[minoanmiss]

Totally seconded, with emphatic armwaving.

[wordweaverlynn]

Exactly.