Short and ... uh ... well, short

[ysobel]

Dear Miss Manners: Is there a proper way to let someone know of my feelings for them? Does a proper courtship have to, at least initially, be hinted at and read between the lines?

Despite the appeal of love at first sight, Miss Manners would think that a declaration of love would be more flattering when you have gotten to know something about the person.

But this is not the Lovelorn Department, so she consulted her dear friend Stendhal, who declares in his book “On Love” that it is doubt that fuels love — and certainty that cools it.

Comments

[mrissa]

It can work different ways for different people, and not only did Miss Manners not answer any of them, but she also jumped to the conclusion that the beginning of courtship was the beginning of acquaintance. I don't know why she jumped to that conclusion.

Some people really enjoy the gradual hinting (on the giving or receiving end), the sense of things starting to be a bit warmer in here, and others would prefer to say, "I like you a lot, and I'd really like to find out if a [romantic/sexual/both] relationship between us might work. Is that something you're interested in?" Neither is necessarily more proper taken in context. Obviously there are contexts that render both completely inappropriate.

[firecat]

Back in the day on Usenet the term for the direct approach you mention was “geek flirt”.

And around the same time I remember someone explaining their approach as “I’m not shy, I’m studying my prey.”

In my experience most courtships had elements of both.