Dear Abby: My Unvaccinated Grandchild Is Ill...

[minoanmiss]

...And I Got Canceled For Offering My Opinion

DEAR ABBY: My son and daughter-in-law are in their early 30s. They have a 5-year-old child who hasn't seen a doctor since infancy. They opted not to vaccinate. Although my husband and I do not agree with it, we keep our mouths shut.

Our precious granddaughter has been sick with a severe cough and fever on and off for close to two months. Although they have health insurance, they refuse to take her to a doctor. They treat her with over-the-counter meds and holistic remedies.

I finally told my daughter-in-law I felt it was negligence to not take the child to a pediatrician. The other grandmother feels the same way I do. Now I'm being "canceled" for finally expressing how I feel. I am disconsolate with the thought that they would actually do that to me. I did apologize for my choice of words and the way I said them.

What else can I do to make things right again? My son is no help. He doesn't go against his wife for any reason. -- HEARTBROKEN NANA IN FLORIDA

DEAR NANA: If I read your letter correctly, you stated that your grandchild has had no vaccinations. Nothing to prevent whooping cough, diphtheria, measles, chickenpox or polio. To me, that describes gross negligence. Because your henpecked son refuses to step in, you may have to accept there is nothing you or the other grandmother can do to "make things right again." But the two of you could contact child protective services and ask if they agree that what's happening is negligence.

Comments

[topaz_eyes]

A chronic cough with fever for 2 months in a young child is serious. It could mean anything from asthma to pneumonia to certain cancers. The granddaughter needed to be medically evaluated a month ago. Imho an anonymous call to CPS is warranted in this situation.

LW should unfortunately expect that son and DIL will decide that LW called CPS and cut them off completely. That said, parents are required by law to act in the best interests of the child, which these two are not doing by withholding medical treatment.

[ashbet]

Seriously – as a kid who suffered medical neglect for respiratory problems (which caused permanent damage), this kid needs medical care and the parents need to be evaluated for neglect.

[mrissa]

"Henpecked" my ass. This is a grown-ass man who is making choices, we don't need to resort to sexist terminology about how his wife has OMG OPINIONS in order to say that you get your kid medical care.

[conuly]

For all we know, he's the one driving the train!

[cereta]

Thank you. That really bothered me.

[redbird]

Yes, this. If it was "since your son refuses to take his child to the doctor," no problem, and something like "since your son is letting his wife make the decisions" would fit with what the LW said. But I suspect that either (a) they have agreed that they can each blame the other for decisions their own parents dislike, or (b) his wife said something like "yes, please, take over the kid's medical care," and he doesn't care enough if he's the one who would have to find a pediatrician, make appointments, and take time off from work to take the child to the doctor.

[laurajv]

right? what the fuck

[lilysea]

LW: I have seen multiple cases in the news over the past 10 years (from Australia)

where a child was treated with only "natural remedies"

the child died

and the parents were prosecuted for manslaughter...

Maybe it may be worth mentioning this to the parents - it might FINALLY get child to the Dr

[melannen]

What is it with people not being able to write letters like this in a way that makes them sound sympathetic? Unlike nearly every other grandparent who has been cut off for criticizing their kids' parenting, these ones are 100% in the right; that child is being medically neglected and endangered and the grandparent needed to do something, and it may be vital for the child's future health that the grandparents be able to stay in contact.

And yet. Why is LW more upset about being "cancelled" than about, idk, her grandchild being in danger? She wrote the letter as if "the thought that they would actually do that to me" is a more urgent problem than a small child spending two months with an untreated fever and the parents cutting off anyone who tries to help.

[green_grrl]

Seeing “cancelled” or “woke” is such a red flag. And, yes, not the main problem in this story.

[conuly]

What is it with people not being able to write letters like this in a way that makes them sound sympathetic?

You'd think that's the bare minimum standard for a letter to an advice column.

[minoanmiss]

THIS is what I was trying to figure out how to articulate about this letter, why I posted it here. Upon reading it I thought "objectively LW's right but I want to slap her." You analysis is awesome.

[lokifan]

Exactly!

[azurelunatic]

Yeah, getting cut out here is the least of your problems.