Dear Prudence: My Cat & I Are Being Stalked by The Child Next Door

[minoanmiss]

About a year ago, I moved into a unit on a shared driveway. I’m at the back, and up the front is a family with two primary-school age kids. They often play on the driveway in front of my place, which is fine as none of us have big backyards and I don’t park there. The kids are friendly, and while I don’t know the parents well enough to know their names, we’ll chat if we’re both coming in and out of our houses at the same time. This is all normal and good, part of having neighbors—but there is a problem I’m not sure how to handle.

I have an indoor cat, and the younger kid, she’s maybe 7, is very, very keen on him. Several times a week, she comes and stares at him through the front window, which I find partially cute (I also loved cats as a little kid) and partially a bit invasive (I am at home in my private space and she’s just standing there staring in). Sometimes she leaves cat litter and food that I can’t use on the front step, and if I don’t take it inside immediately, the next time I’m on my front step, it’s obviously been moved as if she thinks I didn’t see it. This has ramped up lately, and I’m feeling the lack of privacy. It is uncomfortable having a kid stare at me while I make dinner or sit on the couch or work out! I know I need to chat to her parents and say it’s gotten to be a bit much, but they don’t have a heap of space themselves, and I’m aware that when you’re 7, hearing no can be pretty upsetting. I don’t want to be unkind to this family, but I also don’t want to close the curtains any time I’m home. There is a box of cat supplies I didn’t ask for and can’t use on my front step right now.
—Leave Me and My Cat Alone

Would you be comfortable setting aside 15 minutes every afternoon (maybe right when the kid comes home from school?) or an hour once a week, or whatever works best for you as “cat time”? If so, why don’t you say something to the parents like, “I’ve noticed Peyton really loves to come look at Mr. Whiskers! It can be a little startling to see her standing there looking in the window so often, but I’d love to set up a regular time for her to come over and see him instead. She could even play with him or help me feed him if she’s interested and you’re comfortable with that.”

Then tell the 7-year-old the plan and give her a child-friendly reminder not to hang out on your porch like a little stalker every day. For example, “When you see that I’ve hung the picture of Mr. Whiskers on the door, you are free to sit on the porch and watch him or come in to visit him. If it’s not there, please play in front of your house and come back another time.” If this works out, everyone will be happy, and you’ll be training a future pet-sitter in the process.

Comments

[mrissa]

I feel like if the LW was saying, "this is such a charming kid, would it be okay for me to hang out with them and bond over the cat?", my answer would be, "absolutely but still be prepared to set boundaries."

I feel like learning your adult neighbors' names in this circumstance is not too much to ask--in fact I routinely make new neighbors banana bread/brownies/etc. and bring them over and introduce myself, writing in a little greeting card that says, "Welcome to the neighborhood!--your neighbors at [street number], Marissa, Mark, and Tim." When tinydog was still alive I wrote, "Marissa, Mark, Tim, and Ista (dog)." So I feel like learning adult neighbors' names and telling them yours is well within bounds if you want to. The other people in my house are not mad that I tell the neighbors their names but do not have the impulse to introduce themselves. I think there needs to be room for both. But going from "I don't know the parents' names" to "I have their kid over daily or for an hour at a time" is a big change; if LW was inclined to befriend the kid I would expect LW would at least have introduced themself to the parents.

[melannen]

Yeah, I'm not super close to the neighbors but Ifeel like if your neighbor's kids are routinely on your property, you should at minimum know their names and have their phone numbers! LW's first step here isn't working out a custody schedule it's having any kind of actual conversation with the parents at all. (And I'd start with addressing the stuff on your porch, because either the parents are actively encouraging that or they don't know their kid is getting pet supplies somewhere. If they are encouraging it, point them toward periodic shelter donation/look at cats days instead.