Miss Manners: Do I Need To Respond To Awful Letters From Strangers?

[minoanmiss]

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct response to a critical unsolicited letter?

I am in my 30s, and sadly have been estranged from my parents for the past few years due to abuse. I periodically receive long, scathing letters from people I've never met, and from distant family members who think I should give my parents another chance. Presumably, my parents have asked them to send these letters, as they contain many misperceptions about the situation.

What is the etiquette here? I do not think it is appropriate to discuss the situation with them, and my first inclination is to not respond. But I also want to do the right thing. Most of these letters come from members of an older generation, who may care more about etiquette.
Do proper manners require you to respond to every letter you receive? Or are there some situations that supersede the rules?

GENTLE READER: Members of a generation who care more about etiquette would not write rude, impertinent letters in the first place.

Miss Manners assures you that you do not need to answer. But if you are worried about fueling the feud further, you may write back a curt, "Thank you for the advice. I hope you are well."

That this is perfectly polite, but might make them madder, is a bonus.

Comments

[melannen]

IF they are from distant relatives, who you remember as kind and safe from occasional visits even though they lived very far away, and the relatives have clearly been outright lied to and not just given a slanted account, and they weren't particularly close to your abusers, and the letters are phrased in such a way that, were the lies true, it would be a reasonably polite attempt to reach out to a dear relative gone astray, and you think you would like a better relationship with them... you could reply once saying "Great-Aunt Erzebet, I always thought well of you, and I fear you have been lied to. [Clear statement of one or at most two factual things that contradict statements of fact in the letter they sent.] I hope these lies will not continue to poison our relationship going forward. Yours & etc, LW". They then have one chance to send another reply where they apologize for taking the lies at face value.

If all of the above don't apply, then DON'T REPLY.

If you are getting large numbers of them and finding them distressing, Return to Sender is honestly quite satisfying.