Dear Abby: To talk or to text?

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: There is a boy I like at school. He is a very well-known person around school. I'm not. I do have a wide variety of friends, and I even talk to some of his.

My friends know I like him, and they would like for me to talk to him. I wouldn't mind that, but what would I say? They want it to happen in person, but I want to do it by text, where I feel more me. What should I do? -- TENNESSEE TEEN

DEAR TEEN: Listen to your friends and approach him in person. A smile and a hello should break the ice. Then follow it up with a question about some activity that's happening at school.

Comments

[cereta]

Curious to see what others think about this. I wouldn't see anything wrong with "breaking the ice" in texting if that will make the LW more comfortable talking in person later. Possibly she has a history of not doing that second part, which is what the friends are worried about? I don't know. I'd love to hear others' perspective, though, as I suppose I will be facing this second-hand in a few years (shudder) ;).

[xenacryst]

I'd say that an initial text of "hey, wanna hang out and get some coffee*?" would be fine as an icebreaker, but if you want to get to KNOW know the guy, do so in person - hence the suggestion for hanging out together somewhere.

I'll also note that a phrasing (however it translates to text) of "You seem like a cool person and I'd like to get to know you" can easily, by either party, be interpreted as either "hey I want to be friends" or "I have a crush on you" with minimal expectations. As in, it gives both parties an easy way to assess the situation and escalate to coupledom or stay as cool friends.

* Or maybe not coffee, exactly. Soda? Ice cream? What do teens use as an excuse to spend physical time together these days? Hanging out at the burger joint?

[shirou]

I agree with the core of Abby's too-brief advice, which (I think) is that it's not necessary for the LW to directly say, "I'd like to be friends and maybe more." The LW should just be friendly, chat with the boy in school, go to some of the same events, get to know him, and let him get to know her. I don't see the need for an intro text, but then, I'm not a teenager. I graduated from high school 17 years ago, so my perspective here may not be relevant.

[melissatreglia]

See, I have a different opinion on the matter here.

Teenage girls can be especially shy around boys they like.

Fortunately, the youngsters today are more tech-friendly than previous generations. Asking her crush via text if he wants to play a few rounds of Words With Friends (or whatever the popular multi-player gaming app might be in their age group) would actually be a good way for them to relax with each other, without the social pressure and expectations that come with even "casual" meetups. Then, once they've played a few rounds in some friendly competition, she can say that she's enjoyed playing with him and broach the subject of wanting to hang out with him in the offline, realtime world.

Strange as it may sound, online games and textual communication CAN bring people closer together. And if that's how she feels she puts her best foot forward, then she should go with her gut and do what works for her.