(no subject)

[conuly]

How do you deal with messy bedrooms? Our 11-year-old is responsible when it comes to a lot of things, but keeping her room clean isn’t one of them. I could deal with general messiness, but her floor is just covered in clothes (both clean and dirty), skincare products, school stuff, etc. It will get to a point where she cleans it up, but within a week it’s a disaster again. She doesn’t seem to be embarrassed when friends come over and honestly doesn’t understand why we care so much. What’s the best way to not only keep her room clean enough so I don’t have to avert my eyes when walking past, but also have it so this isn’t an ongoing battle?

—Where’s the Floor

Dear Floor,

I guess my first piece of advice is to try to separate yourself emotionally from the whole (literal) mess? Don’t turn it into a character flaw, or a sign that your daughter isn’t responsible. It’s pretty normal for a kid her age to not notice or be particularly bothered by clutter.
If it really upsets you to look at it, then don’t constantly monitor its status; check only as needed.

My mom used to have a refrigerator magnet that read “Creative minds are rarely tidy,” and I think about it every time I glance into my artist child’s chaotic room. I would prefer it if she noticed, cared, and cleaned it without being told, but it’s just not a priority for her, and arguing with her about it just annoys us both. I wish I had a magic solution for you, but I just … tell my daughter to pick up her room every couple of weeks, usually when the rest of us are working to clean other rooms. I’m a big fan of the routine, because then it’s not an impromptu order or parental power trip—it’s just that time when we clean whatever is messy. (Those of you who clean your house more than once or twice a month: I’m super happy for you.)

Of course, I know that her room will soon be messy again. But she also knows that she’ll be tasked with picking it up again. It’s the expectation—and a slightly frustrating cycle, I grant you—but not an ongoing fight.

Link

Comments

[melannen]

No food or drinks in the bedroom is a generally good idea but it does depend heavily on the kid and the way food and private space is handled in the household generally - especially as they get to their teen years it might just lead to a secret stash of food kept in the bedroom that you don't know about at all (which may or may not be kept in a sanitary manner.) The rule that more or less worked for me was no *dishes* in the bedroom - a bottle of juice or a cookie or orange was fine, but nothing complicated enough that I'd have to remember to take the dishes out. (It still led to bits of cookie or orange peels occasionally lingering but that is far preferable to dirty plates, and it let me eat what/when I wanted but keep it to relatively tidy options in the bedroom.)

[p_cocincinus]

It's a rule I'm willing to revisit as the need arises - right now Bug is a strongly rule-abiding, highly sociable solo kid and we live in a two-bedroom condo where the snacks are basically always available. I'm the kind of parent who's always willing to reconsider rules if you make a good argument against it.