Memento Mori

[jadelennox]

DEAR ABBY: I need a second opinion. My grandfather sold me an old farmstead that has been in the family for 200 years. Last week, he showed me a wooded area behind the barn with a human skull. He told me that when his father died more than 50 years ago, he was curious about how long it would take a body to decompose, so he left his body in the woods to keep track of its progress. He has 50 years' worth of pictures and notes. He told the rest of the family that Great-Grandpa had been cremated, and apparently no one questioned him about the ashes.

At this point, the skull is all that's left. I checked with a lawyer, who tells me that in my state no laws were broken. That said, I don't want my great-grandfather's skull sitting in the woods behind my barn! My husband says I should quietly bury it, burn the pictures and the notes and forget about it. That just doesn't feel right to me.

It feels like I'm helping my grandfather get away with something and it feels "icky." Should I tell the rest of the family, or continue allowing them to believe that Great-Granddad was cremated? I'm resenting my grandfather for putting me in the middle of this, and any advice you have would be greatly appreciated. — BOUGHT MORE THAN I BARGAINED FOR

--

DEAR BARGAINED: Your letter is a first. Why do I get the impression that your grandfather must have HATED his father to have treated his remains so disrespectfully? The farmstead and everything that goes with it is yours now to keep or dispose of.

What you need to do is decide whether to donate your great-grandfather's skull to a medical or dental school (or coven?), place it in a columbarium or bury it on your property. As to whether to tell the rest of the family, what positive thing would be accomplished by sharing this unpleasantness with them? You are a caring individual; let your conscience be your guide.

via

Comments

[ethelmay]

The grandfather is still living, right? And isn't what he did with his grandfather's remains a crime? I don't get the impression that the grandchild wants to get the grandfather in trouble with the law.

In my state unlawful disposal of human remains is a misdemeanor, but I think they're talking mostly about dumping ashes where you hadn't ought to. An actual decomposing body must carry a higher penalty, no?

[ethelmay]

I mean his father's remains (typo). Oh, also I somehow didn't see the bit about her having consulted a lawyer. I still find it difficult to believe it isn't somehow against the law (if nothing else, due to the health risk of leaving a bunch of decaying meat around - obviously wild animals' bodies sit around, but I had the impression that even a dead cow or something that was your property you were required to responsibly dispose of).

[redbird]

Different states' laws are worded differently, and may have different exceptions. In one of Seanan McGuire's Incryptid novels, a character mentions that burying someone privately on land you own is legal in Oregon but illegal in Washington.

Improperly disposing of human remains probably has a statute of limitations, in which case the LW can base the decision on what will cause other relatives the least pain.

Less relevantly, there's a Dorothy Sayers story in which two men are arguing over whether to bury their recently-deceased father, or to move the embalmed corpse to an above-ground mausoleum.