![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
(no subject)
[I don't agree with MM that the two are the same -- surely the equivalent of "gift reaction/thanks" is "dinner reaction/thanks"?]
Dear Miss Manners: I must admit I’ve never understood etiquette’s requirement to invite people to one’s home after being invited to theirs. When my spouse and I host, we feel that it’s our idea — nobody asked us to make a dinner and invite the group. We enjoy cooking and spending time with everyone.
Is it not improper for hosts to expect that they will be “repaid” with invitations from their guests?
Your statement is akin to the frequently argued one that people should give presents because they really want to, and therefore responses from the recipients are unnecessary. So only selfish people feel the need for positive reactions from those they entertain or send presents.
Evidently, you do not care whether the presents were successful, or if your guests liked you enough to initiate seeing you again. Most of us do. Miss Manners can think of hardly anyone — or even any business — not wishing, if not clamoring, for “likes” and feedback.
However, reciprocating hospitality does not necessarily involve duplicating the original scenario — what you characterize as repayment in kind. People entertain in different ways, and an invitation to a picnic or a bistro would be full reciprocation for a formal dinner.
What is important is what it says: “We were not just looking for a free night out. We enjoyed ourselves and want to see you again.”
Dear Miss Manners: I must admit I’ve never understood etiquette’s requirement to invite people to one’s home after being invited to theirs. When my spouse and I host, we feel that it’s our idea — nobody asked us to make a dinner and invite the group. We enjoy cooking and spending time with everyone.
Is it not improper for hosts to expect that they will be “repaid” with invitations from their guests?
Your statement is akin to the frequently argued one that people should give presents because they really want to, and therefore responses from the recipients are unnecessary. So only selfish people feel the need for positive reactions from those they entertain or send presents.
Evidently, you do not care whether the presents were successful, or if your guests liked you enough to initiate seeing you again. Most of us do. Miss Manners can think of hardly anyone — or even any business — not wishing, if not clamoring, for “likes” and feedback.
However, reciprocating hospitality does not necessarily involve duplicating the original scenario — what you characterize as repayment in kind. People entertain in different ways, and an invitation to a picnic or a bistro would be full reciprocation for a formal dinner.
What is important is what it says: “We were not just looking for a free night out. We enjoyed ourselves and want to see you again.”
no subject
I've been thinking about this letter a lot because I just recently ended a friendship and this issue was one of the contributing factors.
There was no reciprocity in the relationship. It was always me inviting this friend over to my house or her inviting herself over to my house. I never expected her to invite me over to hers, but she never invited me to do anything at all--never asked me to go window shopping or for a walk or to lunch or anything. Just waited for me to invite her over or asked me if I was accepting visitors when she came to my part of town. I started to feel like the cruise director of her life, like she considered me responsible for creating social situations for her and responsible for doing all the work. It was very annoying.