ysobel: (Default)
masquerading as a man with a reason ([personal profile] ysobel) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2024-01-16 05:19 pm

(no subject)

[I don't agree with MM that the two are the same -- surely the equivalent of "gift reaction/thanks" is "dinner reaction/thanks"?]

Dear Miss Manners: I must admit I’ve never understood etiquette’s requirement to invite people to one’s home after being invited to theirs. When my spouse and I host, we feel that it’s our idea — nobody asked us to make a dinner and invite the group. We enjoy cooking and spending time with everyone.

Is it not improper for hosts to expect that they will be “repaid” with invitations from their guests?


Your statement is akin to the frequently argued one that people should give presents because they really want to, and therefore responses from the recipients are unnecessary. So only selfish people feel the need for positive reactions from those they entertain or send presents.

Evidently, you do not care whether the presents were successful, or if your guests liked you enough to initiate seeing you again. Most of us do. Miss Manners can think of hardly anyone — or even any business — not wishing, if not clamoring, for “likes” and feedback.

However, reciprocating hospitality does not necessarily involve duplicating the original scenario — what you characterize as repayment in kind. People entertain in different ways, and an invitation to a picnic or a bistro would be full reciprocation for a formal dinner.

What is important is what it says: “We were not just looking for a free night out. We enjoyed ourselves and want to see you again.”
conuly: (Default)

[personal profile] conuly 2024-01-17 11:08 am (UTC)(link)
frankly, some guests at dinner may not be able to return the favour; if someone isn't equipped/monetarily or physically able to host in return, does that mean they have to stay home perpetually?

No, but you have to reciprocate in *some* fashion. If you can't host guests then you can at least initiate a phone call later on. (And I think most people do understand the difference between "Auntie Abigail has numerous obligations and also disabilities and cannot easily invite people to things" and "Jack from college would rather hang out with everybody else in the world but me, unless I'm paying".)