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Dear Care and Feeding,
Any ideas for creative consequences for going into a sibling’s room uninvited? Repeatedly? The offender is elementary age and the room owner is in middle school. I am sure the stuff in there is incredibly enticing but boundaries and privacy are important!
—Raising a Snoop
Dear Raising a Snoop,
When your younger child goes into their sibling’s room uninvited, they should lose a privilege that they value: dessert, screen time, etc. You can also talk to your elder child about how to incentivize their little sibling not to go in there. Perhaps a week without sneaking in can net them a 15-minute visit into the room under their sibling’s supervision. Continue talking to your younger child about the importance of privacy and boundaries. Ask them how they would feel if someone was snooping through their stuff without permission. Explain to them that it is important for their older sibling to have a space that is all their own and that they would want the same respect for their own things. Talk to them about the fact that as we get older, we have a greater need for privacy, and that it’s important to respect that. Be consistent about consequences; as long as they get away with this behavior, they’re going to keep it up.
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Any ideas for creative consequences for going into a sibling’s room uninvited? Repeatedly? The offender is elementary age and the room owner is in middle school. I am sure the stuff in there is incredibly enticing but boundaries and privacy are important!
—Raising a Snoop
Dear Raising a Snoop,
When your younger child goes into their sibling’s room uninvited, they should lose a privilege that they value: dessert, screen time, etc. You can also talk to your elder child about how to incentivize their little sibling not to go in there. Perhaps a week without sneaking in can net them a 15-minute visit into the room under their sibling’s supervision. Continue talking to your younger child about the importance of privacy and boundaries. Ask them how they would feel if someone was snooping through their stuff without permission. Explain to them that it is important for their older sibling to have a space that is all their own and that they would want the same respect for their own things. Talk to them about the fact that as we get older, we have a greater need for privacy, and that it’s important to respect that. Be consistent about consequences; as long as they get away with this behavior, they’re going to keep it up.
Link
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For the longest time, we had magnetic door locks for our kid's wardrobe because they would open it, pull out the drawers and climb on them to reach for stuff that was hanging in there (the drawers are wonky and getting stuck to this day; the wardrobe itself was bolted into the wall, of course). If it's supposed to be a hard boundary, it needs to work even when you're not around to enforce it. It's not like we're advising parents to leave all their sharp knives lying around and to "simply" teach their kids not to touch them... If they're able to reach them, they're ideally at the age to understand why knives have to be handled carefully. And they'll have their own play-appropriate alternatives if possible.