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Miss Manners: Addressing mail
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Almost all of the examples I now see on how to address invitations are totally different from what I was taught in school many years ago. Have the rules changed, or are young people these days making up their own etiquette rules?
I was taught that for a married couple, the correct address would be " Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin Jones" and "Mr. and Mrs. Patrick White," not "Mr. Ben and Mrs. Elizabeth Jones" and "Mr. Patrick and Mrs. Taylor White." I was also taught that the male's name came first on the envelope.
Please set the record straight before too many young brides commit a faux pas and look uneducated.
GENTLE READER: Yes, some rules have legitimately changed, and yes, unauthorized people who make up their own rules are often unintentionally offensive. But come to think of it, the old standard that you cite also sends some people into a tizzy.
Miss Manners wishes everyone would just calm down.
There are couples who use the Mr. and Mrs. form you learned (the only one in which the gentleman's title comes first) and they should be so addressed. But there are others who prefer to be addressed more as individuals for various reasons, some of which are eminently sensible, although society used not to recognize them.
All that takes now is one extra line on the envelope:
Dr. Angelina Breakfront
Mr. Rock Moonley
or:
Mr. Oliver Trenchant
Mr. Liam Lotherington
or:
Ms. Norina Hartfort
Mr. Rufus Hartfort
Is that too much effort to ask?
I was taught that for a married couple, the correct address would be " Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin Jones" and "Mr. and Mrs. Patrick White," not "Mr. Ben and Mrs. Elizabeth Jones" and "Mr. Patrick and Mrs. Taylor White." I was also taught that the male's name came first on the envelope.
Please set the record straight before too many young brides commit a faux pas and look uneducated.
GENTLE READER: Yes, some rules have legitimately changed, and yes, unauthorized people who make up their own rules are often unintentionally offensive. But come to think of it, the old standard that you cite also sends some people into a tizzy.
Miss Manners wishes everyone would just calm down.
There are couples who use the Mr. and Mrs. form you learned (the only one in which the gentleman's title comes first) and they should be so addressed. But there are others who prefer to be addressed more as individuals for various reasons, some of which are eminently sensible, although society used not to recognize them.
All that takes now is one extra line on the envelope:
Dr. Angelina Breakfront
Mr. Rock Moonley
or:
Mr. Oliver Trenchant
Mr. Liam Lotherington
or:
Ms. Norina Hartfort
Mr. Rufus Hartfort
Is that too much effort to ask?
no subject
no subject
Dr. Angelina Breakfront
Mr. Rock Moonley
and
Mr. Oliver Trenchant
Mr. Liam Lotherington
but she did say that the proper term of address for a m/f couple who share a surname was Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Herfirst. (She was totes down with non m/f couples and different surnames.)
That being said she's always said that people who use etiquette to make other uncomfortable or miserable are being impolite jerks.