agonyaunt | (no subject)

DEAR ABBY: One of my dear friends is Christian. She knows I'm Jewish. I don't expect her to acknowledge many of the Jewish holidays because I'm sure she's unfamiliar with them. However, Hanukkah is ubiquitous, and it would be nice if she would wish me a "Happy Hanukkah."

Every year, she wishes me a "Merry Christmas," buys me a Christmas gift and a Christmas card. She's a truly nice person, and I don't think she's deliberately being dismissive or insensitive. I have mentioned this to her several times over the years, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. Without insulting her or seeming ungrateful, how can I let her know this bothers me? -- OBSERVANT IN OHIO

DEAR OBSERVANT: If she's a dear friend, she's not likely trying to upset you. A month before the beginning of Hanukkah this year, "remind" her that you do not celebrate the Christian holiday of Christmas. It should allow her enough time to find a suitable card for you. If she forgets after that, do not exile her into the wilderness, but forgive her.

https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearabby/s-2827119

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This. Saying "I'm Jewish" or even "I don't celebrate Christmas" isn't enough of a hint, because there are Jews who really are ok with receiving Christmas cards; they perceive it as a welcoming gesture from members of the common culture. It's possible to be polite yet explicit, along the lines of "I know you mean well, but I'm really not comfortable receiving Christmas cards." If it's not a very deep friendship, it may be better to leave it there rather than go into mutual exchange of views about why some people are comfortable with it and others aren't, and why she thought it was ok or whether or not you should be ok with it...

It's like those great chocolate chip cookies I give all my friends, except Mary who says she's allergic to chocolate. How on earth can she be allergic to chocolate when her twin sister eats it all the time? It doesn't matter. Mary gets a different kind of cookie. Or no cookie. We might possibly discuss genetics and allergies and allergy treatment...but she knows a lot more about that than I do and she might be tired of talking about it.