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agonyaunt2022-11-22 12:31 am
misbegotten) wrote in agonyaunt2022-11-22 12:31 am
Entry tags:
Stepdaughter's College Plans
Dear Care and Feeding,
My 20-year-old stepdaughter is in her second year of community college. She needs to apply to four-year colleges and pick a major soon. Her dream is to be a freelance graphic artist. The problem is she can’t draw. She loves making screen caps and photo manipulations but has no interest in drawing. Her last drawings are from a few years ago and look like they were done by an 8-year-old. I’m not being mean, I can’t draw any better, but I’m also not looking to have a career in art.
I bought her a step-by-step book on teaching yourself to draw as an adult and she never touched it. She says nowadays you don’t need to be able to draw. She won’t listen when I explain even if you can squeak by and get your degree, you’ll still be at a disadvantage compared to an artist who can draw. She won’t always be able to get away with just changing the colors of copyrighted photos or making simple outlines out of automatic shapes if she expects to charge money for it.
My husband is with me, but he thinks she needs to be allowed to fail and learn from experience. I’m concerned she’s going to get an expensive degree and not be able to get enough work to support herself and will still be financially dependent on him when our younger children, now 10 and 12, are starting college. Her mom is flat broke and no help. Any advice?
—Dream Doubter
Dear Doubter,
I really don’t think it’s your place (or your husband’s) to evaluate her career prospects—at least, not at this stage. If she gets into a graphic arts program, she’ll get a pretty good idea of where she stands skills-wise from her professors and peers. And since I gather from your letter that you are not an expert in this field, I am not sure how confident you should be in your assessment of her prospects. (Incidentally, I spoke to a freelancer friend of mine who said that drawing skills were not necessarily essential to this career path.)
If she really wants to do this for a living, and if she finds—either in college or the job market—that her skills are lacking, she will either do what it takes to improve or pivot to a new profession. If you are concerned about the financial burden you might bear if she is underemployed for a prolonged period of time, then by all means have that discussion with her. Make it clear that you expect her to be financially independent by a certain timeframe, but don’t include any commentary on her chosen field.
Finally—and I know this is a very privileged point of view—as a proud owner of a (quite random) liberal arts master’s degree, and the friend of several theater-majors-turned-teachers/photographers/marketers/etc., college isn’t always just about career preparation. In many cases, it is the time when a person is encouraged to pursue their passions (provided they or the family have the financial means to do so). Curiosity, self-exploration, and saturation in one’s interests can be completely viable ways to experience college, and one never knows how what you learn will shape your path. It not just about the future job. Let this go for now. Don’t crush her dreams before she has a chance to try them on for size.
My 20-year-old stepdaughter is in her second year of community college. She needs to apply to four-year colleges and pick a major soon. Her dream is to be a freelance graphic artist. The problem is she can’t draw. She loves making screen caps and photo manipulations but has no interest in drawing. Her last drawings are from a few years ago and look like they were done by an 8-year-old. I’m not being mean, I can’t draw any better, but I’m also not looking to have a career in art.
I bought her a step-by-step book on teaching yourself to draw as an adult and she never touched it. She says nowadays you don’t need to be able to draw. She won’t listen when I explain even if you can squeak by and get your degree, you’ll still be at a disadvantage compared to an artist who can draw. She won’t always be able to get away with just changing the colors of copyrighted photos or making simple outlines out of automatic shapes if she expects to charge money for it.
My husband is with me, but he thinks she needs to be allowed to fail and learn from experience. I’m concerned she’s going to get an expensive degree and not be able to get enough work to support herself and will still be financially dependent on him when our younger children, now 10 and 12, are starting college. Her mom is flat broke and no help. Any advice?
—Dream Doubter
Dear Doubter,
I really don’t think it’s your place (or your husband’s) to evaluate her career prospects—at least, not at this stage. If she gets into a graphic arts program, she’ll get a pretty good idea of where she stands skills-wise from her professors and peers. And since I gather from your letter that you are not an expert in this field, I am not sure how confident you should be in your assessment of her prospects. (Incidentally, I spoke to a freelancer friend of mine who said that drawing skills were not necessarily essential to this career path.)
If she really wants to do this for a living, and if she finds—either in college or the job market—that her skills are lacking, she will either do what it takes to improve or pivot to a new profession. If you are concerned about the financial burden you might bear if she is underemployed for a prolonged period of time, then by all means have that discussion with her. Make it clear that you expect her to be financially independent by a certain timeframe, but don’t include any commentary on her chosen field.
Finally—and I know this is a very privileged point of view—as a proud owner of a (quite random) liberal arts master’s degree, and the friend of several theater-majors-turned-teachers/photographers/marketers/etc., college isn’t always just about career preparation. In many cases, it is the time when a person is encouraged to pursue their passions (provided they or the family have the financial means to do so). Curiosity, self-exploration, and saturation in one’s interests can be completely viable ways to experience college, and one never knows how what you learn will shape your path. It not just about the future job. Let this go for now. Don’t crush her dreams before she has a chance to try them on for size.
no subject
But even if stepdaughter really can't hack it in her chosen field, the only thing LW will accomplish by telling her that is damaging their relationship with her. The husband is right, stepdaughter is at the age where she needs to be allowed to make her own mistakes, and "it didn't work out but at least my family encouraged me to try" is going to be a very different takeaway than "it didn't work out and my family's discouragement added insult to injury" or "I made it despite my family telling me I sucked and had no chance".
no subject
Absolutely. I feel bad for the daughter because (and I am undoubtedly projecting) stepmom seems to have a bone to pick.