Stepdaughter's College Plans

[misbegotten]

Dear Care and Feeding,

My 20-year-old stepdaughter is in her second year of community college. She needs to apply to four-year colleges and pick a major soon. Her dream is to be a freelance graphic artist. The problem is she can’t draw. She loves making screen caps and photo manipulations but has no interest in drawing. Her last drawings are from a few years ago and look like they were done by an 8-year-old. I’m not being mean, I can’t draw any better, but I’m also not looking to have a career in art.

I bought her a step-by-step book on teaching yourself to draw as an adult and she never touched it. She says nowadays you don’t need to be able to draw. She won’t listen when I explain even if you can squeak by and get your degree, you’ll still be at a disadvantage compared to an artist who can draw. She won’t always be able to get away with just changing the colors of copyrighted photos or making simple outlines out of automatic shapes if she expects to charge money for it.

My husband is with me, but he thinks she needs to be allowed to fail and learn from experience. I’m concerned she’s going to get an expensive degree and not be able to get enough work to support herself and will still be financially dependent on him when our younger children, now 10 and 12, are starting college. Her mom is flat broke and no help. Any advice?

—Dream Doubter

Dear Doubter,

I really don’t think it’s your place (or your husband’s) to evaluate her career prospects—at least, not at this stage. If she gets into a graphic arts program, she’ll get a pretty good idea of where she stands skills-wise from her professors and peers. And since I gather from your letter that you are not an expert in this field, I am not sure how confident you should be in your assessment of her prospects. (Incidentally, I spoke to a freelancer friend of mine who said that drawing skills were not necessarily essential to this career path.)

If she really wants to do this for a living, and if she finds—either in college or the job market—that her skills are lacking, she will either do what it takes to improve or pivot to a new profession. If you are concerned about the financial burden you might bear if she is underemployed for a prolonged period of time, then by all means have that discussion with her. Make it clear that you expect her to be financially independent by a certain timeframe, but don’t include any commentary on her chosen field.

Finally—and I know this is a very privileged point of view—as a proud owner of a (quite random) liberal arts master’s degree, and the friend of several theater-majors-turned-teachers/photographers/marketers/etc., college isn’t always just about career preparation. In many cases, it is the time when a person is encouraged to pursue their passions (provided they or the family have the financial means to do so). Curiosity, self-exploration, and saturation in one’s interests can be completely viable ways to experience college, and one never knows how what you learn will shape your path. It not just about the future job. Let this go for now. Don’t crush her dreams before she has a chance to try them on for size.

Comments

[torachan]

The LW is really putting the cart before the horse. An art program generally requires a portfolio to be accepted, and they tend to be very competitive. If she gets accepted, it will be proof that she has some skill.

[laurajv]

Truth. Heck, the portfolio required for the arts magnet 6-12 program in my medium-sized city is substantial.

[minoanmiss]

I really hope LW listens to the advice. A friend of mine often analyzes the ways in which people feel entitled to judge other people whom they have power over, and the ways in which people think their perspective on an issue contains all the information and is the only way to view the issue, and LW reminds me a lot of things my friend has pointed out.

And the bit about "if I don't force her into something respectable remunerative at the age of 20 she will be a deadbeat living off me and her father" is kind of mean.

Good luck to LW's stepdaughter. She will need it, and not because she can't draw with a pencil. A good photomanip is very valuable.

[misbegotten]

Maybe the advice is coming from an outdated frame of reference -- I'm not really sure if a 4-year college (in the US, at any rate) is a place where students can try on different passions anymore. My nieces, who are just finishing and starting their undergraduate degrees respectively, were accepted into their universities on the basis of their majors. Though changing majors and not finishing in four years is a possibility. Maybe that was just the institutions they chose?

Nonetheless, LW's tone gets my back up. There won't be enough money for MY kids to go to college! seems to be the gist. So talk to your husband about that issue! And why assume that the daughter will end up with a "useless" degree -- if she really does not have the skills for the field, how would she graduate?

[castiron]

Depends on the program and the school. If you're majoring in engineering or nursing, you're not going to have much time to explore. If you're majoring in history, there's more room for exploring.

[ambyr]

Speaking as someone who sometimes hires graphic designers, drawing has exactly zero relevance to what I’m paying them to do. LW is making some weird assumptions here.

[castiron]

This. I've known several book designers through work, and I have no clue whether any of them have drawing ability. They don't need to draw; even if there is an illustration on the cover, the designer isn't the one creating it.

[mommy]

I agree.

[cimorene]

+1

[pauraque]

I used to work in an art-adjacent field with a lot of people who had art degrees, and whether you have to be able to draw REALLY depends on what kind of work you want to do. The fact that stepdaughter is trying to get into graphic design (as opposed to fine arts) means she is taking the path of more realistic job prospects, whether she knows how to draw by hand or not.

But even if stepdaughter really can't hack it in her chosen field, the only thing LW will accomplish by telling her that is damaging their relationship with her. The husband is right, stepdaughter is at the age where she needs to be allowed to make her own mistakes, and "it didn't work out but at least my family encouraged me to try" is going to be a very different takeaway than "it didn't work out and my family's discouragement added insult to injury" or "I made it despite my family telling me I sucked and had no chance".

[misbegotten]

>"it didn't work out but at least my family encouraged me to try" is going to be a very different takeaway<

Absolutely. I feel bad for the daughter because (and I am undoubtedly projecting) stepmom seems to have a bone to pick.

[kutsuwamushi]

I'm wondering what the letter writer would prefer the step-daughter do. There aren't that many college paths that are explicitly vocational; those that are tend to be competitive and academically demanding. There isn't really a college path that will (a) lead to a secure career in a particular field, and (b) has no chance of you failing out.

When I was still teaching, I met so many kids who were trying to get into/stay in these competitive programs. A lot of them did fail and have to pivot to something else.

Apart from the letter writer just not being the right person to judge the stepdaughter's ability to succeed in this career, what is the sure bet that they imagine as an alternative?