Ermingarden (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ermingarden) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
agonyaunt2022-11-04 12:01 pm
ermingarden) wrote in agonyaunt2022-11-04 12:01 pm
Entry tags:
Care and Feeding: The Catnapping
Dear Care and Feeding,
My parents are not good pet owners. They have an outdoor-only cat, and for the last decade I have been hearing stories about how he gets hurt and they basically don’t care. A few months ago after yet another one of these stories, my wife suggested we wait until my folks were on vacation and then steal the cat and take him to the vet. We did, and he turned out to be in bad shape (he required a $1500 emergency procedure for a massively infected bite wound). We decided not to give him back to my parents; he is super sweet and friendly and we hoped to rehome him. However, I’m getting really attached to him. I’m not sure what to do as my parents still don’t know we have him (they told me he must have died, and they weren’t particularly upset). We’re planning to hide him with a friend for Christmas when they visit, but she wanted to know why we don’t just come clean. I feel like that is a question that can only be asked by a person with a very unfraught parental relationship, which I don’t have. I’ve been wondering if we could just gaslight my parents into thinking he’s a brand new cat, but he has some unique scars and a VERY unique meow, so even if that weren’t a bananas idea I’m not sure we could pull it off. Should I stick to my original plan to rehome him? Should I be honest with my parents? Do any of your readers want a sweet old cat with a truly unique adoption story? I can’t believe I’m in this situation.
—Cat Napper
Dear CN,
You know what? Sometimes, lying is just easier than telling the truth. And it sounds like even with the inconvenience of hiding the cat with a friend, it would be easier not to tell your parents what happened to their cat. If it is reasonable for you to keep up this lie forever–like, if they only visit you once a year and you only have to hide the cat then–then I suggest you go for it. Your relationship with your parents sounds delicate, and there’s no reason to rock the boat if you can avoid it.
However, if your parents are going to be in your house more frequently, then you should come clean. You don’t have to do it just yet, maybe you just give yourself a break this holiday and enjoy your peace. But in advance of their next visit, you can give them a call and let them know what you did. Explain why, and how your trip to the vet confirmed your concerns that the cat was being mistreated. Apologize for taking him but remind them that they didn’t seem overly concerned when he “died” in the first place. Hopefully, their ambivalence about the life of this cat will continue on through his resurrection. If his reemergence does cause tension between you and your folks, just know that you did the right thing. Considering all this poor little guy has been through, I don’t think you should rehome him. You’ve gotten attached and I’m sure he has too. Hopefully, this won’t be a big deal to your parents and if it is, well, they shouldn’t have neglected him in the first place and they got what they deserved. All the best to you.
My parents are not good pet owners. They have an outdoor-only cat, and for the last decade I have been hearing stories about how he gets hurt and they basically don’t care. A few months ago after yet another one of these stories, my wife suggested we wait until my folks were on vacation and then steal the cat and take him to the vet. We did, and he turned out to be in bad shape (he required a $1500 emergency procedure for a massively infected bite wound). We decided not to give him back to my parents; he is super sweet and friendly and we hoped to rehome him. However, I’m getting really attached to him. I’m not sure what to do as my parents still don’t know we have him (they told me he must have died, and they weren’t particularly upset). We’re planning to hide him with a friend for Christmas when they visit, but she wanted to know why we don’t just come clean. I feel like that is a question that can only be asked by a person with a very unfraught parental relationship, which I don’t have. I’ve been wondering if we could just gaslight my parents into thinking he’s a brand new cat, but he has some unique scars and a VERY unique meow, so even if that weren’t a bananas idea I’m not sure we could pull it off. Should I stick to my original plan to rehome him? Should I be honest with my parents? Do any of your readers want a sweet old cat with a truly unique adoption story? I can’t believe I’m in this situation.
—Cat Napper
Dear CN,
You know what? Sometimes, lying is just easier than telling the truth. And it sounds like even with the inconvenience of hiding the cat with a friend, it would be easier not to tell your parents what happened to their cat. If it is reasonable for you to keep up this lie forever–like, if they only visit you once a year and you only have to hide the cat then–then I suggest you go for it. Your relationship with your parents sounds delicate, and there’s no reason to rock the boat if you can avoid it.
However, if your parents are going to be in your house more frequently, then you should come clean. You don’t have to do it just yet, maybe you just give yourself a break this holiday and enjoy your peace. But in advance of their next visit, you can give them a call and let them know what you did. Explain why, and how your trip to the vet confirmed your concerns that the cat was being mistreated. Apologize for taking him but remind them that they didn’t seem overly concerned when he “died” in the first place. Hopefully, their ambivalence about the life of this cat will continue on through his resurrection. If his reemergence does cause tension between you and your folks, just know that you did the right thing. Considering all this poor little guy has been through, I don’t think you should rehome him. You’ve gotten attached and I’m sure he has too. Hopefully, this won’t be a big deal to your parents and if it is, well, they shouldn’t have neglected him in the first place and they got what they deserved. All the best to you.
no subject