Care and Feeding: The Catnapping

[ermingarden]

Dear Care and Feeding,

My parents are not good pet owners. They have an outdoor-only cat, and for the last decade I have been hearing stories about how he gets hurt and they basically don’t care. A few months ago after yet another one of these stories, my wife suggested we wait until my folks were on vacation and then steal the cat and take him to the vet. We did, and he turned out to be in bad shape (he required a $1500 emergency procedure for a massively infected bite wound). We decided not to give him back to my parents; he is super sweet and friendly and we hoped to rehome him. However, I’m getting really attached to him. I’m not sure what to do as my parents still don’t know we have him (they told me he must have died, and they weren’t particularly upset). We’re planning to hide him with a friend for Christmas when they visit, but she wanted to know why we don’t just come clean. I feel like that is a question that can only be asked by a person with a very unfraught parental relationship, which I don’t have. I’ve been wondering if we could just gaslight my parents into thinking he’s a brand new cat, but he has some unique scars and a VERY unique meow, so even if that weren’t a bananas idea I’m not sure we could pull it off. Should I stick to my original plan to rehome him? Should I be honest with my parents? Do any of your readers want a sweet old cat with a truly unique adoption story? I can’t believe I’m in this situation.

—Cat Napper

Dear CN,

You know what? Sometimes, lying is just easier than telling the truth. And it sounds like even with the inconvenience of hiding the cat with a friend, it would be easier not to tell your parents what happened to their cat. If it is reasonable for you to keep up this lie forever–like, if they only visit you once a year and you only have to hide the cat then–then I suggest you go for it. Your relationship with your parents sounds delicate, and there’s no reason to rock the boat if you can avoid it.

However, if your parents are going to be in your house more frequently, then you should come clean. You don’t have to do it just yet, maybe you just give yourself a break this holiday and enjoy your peace. But in advance of their next visit, you can give them a call and let them know what you did. Explain why, and how your trip to the vet confirmed your concerns that the cat was being mistreated. Apologize for taking him but remind them that they didn’t seem overly concerned when he “died” in the first place. Hopefully, their ambivalence about the life of this cat will continue on through his resurrection. If his reemergence does cause tension between you and your folks, just know that you did the right thing. Considering all this poor little guy has been through, I don’t think you should rehome him. You’ve gotten attached and I’m sure he has too. Hopefully, this won’t be a big deal to your parents and if it is, well, they shouldn’t have neglected him in the first place and they got what they deserved. All the best to you.

Comments

[ermingarden]

In every advice column letter about stealing a cat that I can recall, stealing the cat has always been the morally superior choice. Go LW!

I cannot imagine "Hey, so we took your cat a few months ago while you were on vacation and never told you" going over well, no matter how little LW's parents actually cared about the poor kitty. I'm usually an "honesty is the best policy" person, but in this case....

[shirou]

I question whether LW can conceal the fact that he now has a cat. Even if he can put away the litter boxes and scratching posts where his parents won't find them, a missed toy or some stray cat hair will give him away. He could tell his parents he has a cat without revealing that it's their cat, but then he'll have to explain—for years—why the cat is never at home when they visit.

LW's parents abused that poor cat, and in my opinion, LW has no moral responsibility to say anything. He has my blessing to lie if he can pull it off. But I doubt he can.

[minoanmiss]

Bast's blessings upon LW, and yeah, does that friend have no imagination?

[conuly]

You know, I'm having flashbacks to That Time I Did Not Steal a Neighbor's Dog: once you take the animal to the vet and pay $1500 in vet bills, the animal belongs to you and your parents can just live with it.

(I actually didn't steal him, though I know that she's still telling people I did.)

[lavendertook]

I’m always for burning the whole place down. If the parents are this horrible, just lay it on them. Tell them, “BTW, before you come, you should know we have your cat you left outside when you went away on vacation, and now he’s a well cared for house cat instead of suffering and dying with a terrible wound you didn’t get treated and he’s enjoying not being neglected and actually cared for in a safe indoor home. I’m sure you’ll have no problem finding another cat to neglect if that’s what you really want--the shelters are full of homeless cats.”

If you’re lucky, LW, they will get mad at you on the phone and cancel visiting you. Yay! All problems solved. Live a little for once. And love up that kitty.

[mirlacca]

Or she could always tell the exact truth: We found your cat outside, injured, and took him to the vet. It cost $1500 in vet bills. If you want your cat back, pay up. Otherwise, we have a new cat.