Dear Prudence: How Do I Apologize For Bullying Another Student?

[minoanmiss]

Dear Prudence,

I am freshly a senior in high school. Since freshman year, there is a boy whom I will call Eric who continuously got picked on for being a pretty stereotypical high school nerd. He has no pop culture knowledge, is in all advanced classes and has almost a perfect GPA, has no social media or even a phone, and claims to spend all his free time studying. I used to participate in some of this bullying, but it was only because I felt like I needed to so I fit in with my peers. I regret it all dearly, and I’d like to apologize to him … but I have no idea how. We aren’t particularly close, and I can’t text or call. I have awful social anxiety so I’m not sure if I could say it to his face. Should I send a letter or something?

— Too Shy to Make Amends

Dear Too Shy,

It’s great that you’re thinking this way, and I think it’s a great idea to apologize now that you know better and regret your behavior. I also like that you’re trying to think of ways to stop your social anxiety from getting in the way of doing the right thing. A letter is a good choice. But put yourself in Eric’s shoes: Will that apology really mean anything if it’s not paired with something that will make his life a little better? Sure, you’ll stop with the teasing but what else? Are you going to stand up for him when other kids make his life miserable? Can you offer to listen if he ever wants to talk? You’re of course not obligated to do any of this, but it sounds like you care and it sounds like he could use more than “I’m sorry.”