Ermingarden (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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agonyaunt2022-06-11 12:00 am
ermingarden) wrote in agonyaunt2022-06-11 12:00 am
Entry tags:
Care and Feeding: My Husband’s Family Is Creepily Involved in My Teenage Daughter’s Boob Job
Dear Care and Feeding,
I feel strange asking this low-stakes question based on everything going on in America, but here goes. I’m a mom and my only daughter is 18 and will be graduating high school shortly. The only thing she wants for a graduation gift is breast augmentation surgery. We have the money to pay for it, and she inherited my flat-chested genes, but wants no part of looking that way. She only wants a small C cup, not anything over the top. I’m on board with it because it will make her feel better about herself, but my in-laws are vehemently against it. They keep shaming me and my daughter for even considering it, and now my husband thinks we shouldn’t allow it. I think we should go forward with it. What do you think?
—Busty or Busted
Dear Busty,
There’s no need to qualify your question. Yes, America is a dumpster fire right now, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t discuss your personal problems here. This column serves as a safe space for every reader.
That said, I’m 100 percent on your side on this. Yes, I know I’m speaking from a male perspective, but I don’t see any harm in a young adult making a decision that will make her feel better about herself. The only caveat to that, of course, is if she wants to get the surgery due to pressure from boys/men to look a certain way, because that would give me some pause. If the motivation is intrinsic, then I believe she should do it without hesitation.
Also, I think we’re at the point where people need to stop telling women what they should (or shouldn’t) do with their bodies. You asked for my opinion, so I gave it to you, but at the end of the day, nobody’s opinion should matter other than your daughter’s. I don’t know why your in-laws have such strong feelings about your daughter’s body, but I would remind them that as an adult she can do whatever she pleases, and they should support her.
I would also remind your husband of that fact and not have him join in the long line of men who think it’s cool to make decisions on female bodies. Because when it’s all said and done, she’ll probably go through with the surgery with or without your help. If it’s done without your help, it will probably come with a great deal of resentment that could negatively affect your relationship with her going forward.
I think it’s high time that we empower young women to do whatever they please as long as it’s within reason, and this request is definitely reasonable.
—Doyin
I feel strange asking this low-stakes question based on everything going on in America, but here goes. I’m a mom and my only daughter is 18 and will be graduating high school shortly. The only thing she wants for a graduation gift is breast augmentation surgery. We have the money to pay for it, and she inherited my flat-chested genes, but wants no part of looking that way. She only wants a small C cup, not anything over the top. I’m on board with it because it will make her feel better about herself, but my in-laws are vehemently against it. They keep shaming me and my daughter for even considering it, and now my husband thinks we shouldn’t allow it. I think we should go forward with it. What do you think?
—Busty or Busted
Dear Busty,
There’s no need to qualify your question. Yes, America is a dumpster fire right now, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t discuss your personal problems here. This column serves as a safe space for every reader.
That said, I’m 100 percent on your side on this. Yes, I know I’m speaking from a male perspective, but I don’t see any harm in a young adult making a decision that will make her feel better about herself. The only caveat to that, of course, is if she wants to get the surgery due to pressure from boys/men to look a certain way, because that would give me some pause. If the motivation is intrinsic, then I believe she should do it without hesitation.
Also, I think we’re at the point where people need to stop telling women what they should (or shouldn’t) do with their bodies. You asked for my opinion, so I gave it to you, but at the end of the day, nobody’s opinion should matter other than your daughter’s. I don’t know why your in-laws have such strong feelings about your daughter’s body, but I would remind them that as an adult she can do whatever she pleases, and they should support her.
I would also remind your husband of that fact and not have him join in the long line of men who think it’s cool to make decisions on female bodies. Because when it’s all said and done, she’ll probably go through with the surgery with or without your help. If it’s done without your help, it will probably come with a great deal of resentment that could negatively affect your relationship with her going forward.
I think it’s high time that we empower young women to do whatever they please as long as it’s within reason, and this request is definitely reasonable.
—Doyin
no subject
My kneejerk response was "ew, no!" and then I got partly down the letter and realised that if the girl were trans I'd be super proud of the mum for helping pay for gender affirming care. And breast enhancement in a cis girl is gender affirming care. Hell, one of the aspects the left has been pointing out about the shitty anti-trans-care bills is that they would also ban viagra and breast augmentation and blockers for precocious puberty and post-hysterectomy hormones and post mastectomy augmentation and hair plugs. Adults should be allowed to have all those things.
(And for that matter, in trans kids (and adults), we don't try to divorce the motivation to change a body from "due to pressure from boys/men to look a certain way" (boys/men, or girls/women, or cis people). One of the myriad reasons trans and cis people change bodies is always the gaze of outsiders. That's just going to be true.)
I mean, my kneejerk response is still present, but it's none of my business what bodymods adults take on, and my squick shouldn't bother this girl at all.