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agonyaunt2022-01-12 12:33 pm
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2022-01-12 12:33 pm
Entry tags:
Dear Prudence: My PE Teacher Shows Us Wildly Inappropriate Videos
Content advisory: blatant sexual harassment of minors, plus one of said minors condoning the harassment.
Oversexualized and overtired of excuses: My PE teacher is at best a viewer of lewd YouTube videos and at worst a full-on pervert. He often plays videos for us in class, and once, his recommendations popped up. At least half were “calming music” with pictures of women in bikinis with, erm, large bottoms. Something tells me it wasn’t calming music he was interested in. Another time, his “recommended for you” showed a naked woman whose breast was barely concealed by her arm. Once, my friend had to use his computer for a project and accidentally clicked onto the wrong tab. It was a picture of underwear! My teacher also showed us a lewd video in class about a guy who asks out hundreds of women doing yoga. It was meant to be funny, but it just felt uncomfortable. Yet another time, he played a video of people doing exercises with music for us to listen to while we did exercises ourselves, but they were all girls. The video was not approved for viewing by our district, but he can bypass that. All of this is on his school account.
Even worse, I’m one of his favorite students, and I hate it. My friends and I try to make the best of it, but it’s weird and creepy! My male friend is in the same class and whenever I complain about the teacher, he tries to step in and make excuses for him. He’s the sort of person who sees the best in everyone (it’s exhausting) and doesn’t understand that no one wants to hear “I think he’s just trying his best to be a good teacher, and it’s probably an accident” after a rant about a possibly perverted teacher. I am so frustrated, especially since it feels like he’s just dismissing all of my concerns. How do I politely correct him next time he tries to make an excuse for this weird teacher? To be honest, I would like to hit him over the head with my heaviest textbook, but that’s not helpful at all.
A: Your teacher knows exactly what he’s doing; it isn’t OK and you absolutely do not have to make the best of it! I want you to think of the adult in your life who has historically listened to you the most and shown the most concern for the well-being of kids and teens. Maybe that’s one of your other teachers, or a parent or a friend’s parent. Tell them exactly what you told me. The school needs to know about this, and any responsible adult will understand that and make it happen. It’s not your job to convince your male friend of the problem (it would be great if he understood and stood up for you, but he’s not there), but it is your right to address it and your obligation to make sure other kids aren’t exposed to this creepy behavior.
Oversexualized and overtired of excuses: My PE teacher is at best a viewer of lewd YouTube videos and at worst a full-on pervert. He often plays videos for us in class, and once, his recommendations popped up. At least half were “calming music” with pictures of women in bikinis with, erm, large bottoms. Something tells me it wasn’t calming music he was interested in. Another time, his “recommended for you” showed a naked woman whose breast was barely concealed by her arm. Once, my friend had to use his computer for a project and accidentally clicked onto the wrong tab. It was a picture of underwear! My teacher also showed us a lewd video in class about a guy who asks out hundreds of women doing yoga. It was meant to be funny, but it just felt uncomfortable. Yet another time, he played a video of people doing exercises with music for us to listen to while we did exercises ourselves, but they were all girls. The video was not approved for viewing by our district, but he can bypass that. All of this is on his school account.
Even worse, I’m one of his favorite students, and I hate it. My friends and I try to make the best of it, but it’s weird and creepy! My male friend is in the same class and whenever I complain about the teacher, he tries to step in and make excuses for him. He’s the sort of person who sees the best in everyone (it’s exhausting) and doesn’t understand that no one wants to hear “I think he’s just trying his best to be a good teacher, and it’s probably an accident” after a rant about a possibly perverted teacher. I am so frustrated, especially since it feels like he’s just dismissing all of my concerns. How do I politely correct him next time he tries to make an excuse for this weird teacher? To be honest, I would like to hit him over the head with my heaviest textbook, but that’s not helpful at all.
A: Your teacher knows exactly what he’s doing; it isn’t OK and you absolutely do not have to make the best of it! I want you to think of the adult in your life who has historically listened to you the most and shown the most concern for the well-being of kids and teens. Maybe that’s one of your other teachers, or a parent or a friend’s parent. Tell them exactly what you told me. The school needs to know about this, and any responsible adult will understand that and make it happen. It’s not your job to convince your male friend of the problem (it would be great if he understood and stood up for you, but he’s not there), but it is your right to address it and your obligation to make sure other kids aren’t exposed to this creepy behavior.
0) I want to find LW and protect her
2) I bet Whole MAn Disposal Service has a lower age limit, but considering the sexism and sexual assaults I experienced from teenage boys in my high school the 'male friend' is lucky I have no sway over his fate. May he catch a clue or two before he facilitates even more harm.
3) Flames. flames on the side of my face!
Re: 0) I want to find LW and protect her
Re: 0) I want to find LW and protect her
no subject
Also, LW needs to get as many classmates as possible (female ones, obviously) to go to the administration en masse about this. Preferably with their parents in tow.
no subject
(I'd be more loquacious about What To Do, but MM has it covered.)
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LW, the gym teacher who was "kinda inappropriate" in my high school classes turned out to be fondling the gymnasts after school. So:
The only thing you need to worry about here is keeping yourself safe. Don't be alone in a room with him. (Don't be alone in a room with only him and one other person who might not back you up.) Do your best to make sure other students aren't alone in a room with him either.
If you can, document what's going on, even if it's just an under-the-desk phone snap.
If you hear other people talking about finding him creepy, back them up, loudly.
If you do have an adult you 100% trust to handle this well, definitely go to them (preferably with a phone snap or two!) But bear in mind the adult may not be able to do anything other than be supportive either - it depends if they know they have other adults who will back them up.
The best thing you can do is not let anybody convince you it's fine. You don't have to convince them, just don't let anybody shut you up about it. More effective - in the short term - than finding a specific adult and going to them in private is likely to be just not shutting up about it. Make an effort that every time somebody mentions Mr. Creepy or gym class in your hearing, you follow it up with a loud-enough-to-be-heard "Oh yeah, the guy who puts up weird bikini dance videos in class." Probably once you make it normal to speak loudly about this, other kids will feel safer speaking up, too. (And if he is fondling the gymnasts after school, creating a climate where it's clear they will have backup might help them feel safer to speak out, too.) And any adult who would be trustworthy to take it to in private is also going to feel like they need to do something about it if they hear a bunch of teenagers talking about teachers showing weird bikini videos like it's normal. (On the other hand, if a teacher hears you talking about it and doesn't follow up - they probably wouldn't follow up if you came to them privately either.)
no subject
Oh gross ew.
(And I used to think getting left to do Sweating to the Oldies was bad when it was raining in PE class.....gosh we had it good.)
no subject
Meanwhile a school board in Alaska is trying to ban Mama Doctor Jones (OBGYN)'s literal education videos by an actual board certified doctor of obstetrics and gynecology.