How To Do It: I Want Only Cops To Have Sex With

[minoanmiss]

An accountant with handcuffs doesn’t quite cut it for me.

I’m a woman who, since I was a teenager, has had my entire sexuality centered on cops. Through experimentation, I’ve learned that role play, handcuffs, and a uniform aren’t enough—I prefer the real thing. So I sleep with cops, and I love every second of it, but these men have not made good romantic partners for me long term (I’m looking for a serious relationship). Mostly because they tend to be right wing—I’m not—and also often have anger issues, PTSD, and/or alcoholism issues. I think I’ll always be holding out for an officer who is the exception to the rule, but in the meantime, I’d like to be able to orgasm from a civilian. Can I somehow rewire what arouses me? I think it’s the real power over my life that turns me on—doing “pretend” power exchange with, say, a software developer or an accountant doesn’t hit the spot.

—Yes Officer


Dear YO,

You think you’ll always be holding out for an officer who is the exception, but you’re looking for a serious relationship. It’s worth considering whether you’d be able to fully commit to a civilian, and if that isn’t the case, it would be callous to begin a serious relationship with one.

I’m not sure you can “rewire” your sexuality. However, you might be able to find something else that also strikes your fancy, sexually speaking.

How much investigation of other sexual acts have you done? If you feel you’ve left no stone unturned, skip this paragraph with my regrets. If you haven’t explored all that much, get to looking. Read erotic novels or peruse a massive text trove like Literotica.com. Watch diverse pornography—specifically try kink videos and queer sites like CrashPadSeries.com. Try a “real-world sex” site like MakeLoveNotPorn or Lustery. If you’re comfortable with the COVID risk, consider a sex party or a dungeon party. Get out there and see if anything else gets you going.

If none of that works, there are a lot of kinds of authority out there in between “cop” and “accountant.” Perhaps another kind of power might speak to you too.

Comments

[cereta]

Someone needs to send this woman a link to AO3. That is all I have to say.

[dine]

ditto!

[conuly]

Well, do they have to be American cops? Maybe she'll get lucky in love if she relocates to Canada or New Zealand?

[minoanmiss]

I have read too much about (the widespread and institutionalized maltreatment of) First Nations Canadians to think Canadian cops are significantly better. I'll check with Kiwi friends, I guess...

[jadelennox]

what about fire fighters or EMTs or other uniformed first responders?

[cereta]

I think the authority is what she gets off on.

[minoanmiss]

It's the danger she likes. Maybe she got addicted to adrenaline?

[heavenscalyx]

Has this woman not heard of master-slave lifestyle? Or does she actually only get off on people who are as likely to maim or murder her as they are to fuck her? I don't want to kinkshame, but I suspect therapy is more along the lines of what she needs.

[minoanmiss]

She does say "I think it's the real power over my life that turns me on".

Maybe she can find an accountant willing to have sex with her in dangerous places?

[firecat]

Maybe an IRS agent?

[minoanmiss]

ahahahahhahahah

[cereta]

Recommendations:

* Prosecutors, both state and federal. Many can be kind of assholes, but some are known to be nifty.
* Paralegals at said offices, who don't have as much power but are known to be awesome (inside joke!).
* Yes, IRS employees.
* Judges! Good lord, judges!

[weedpizza]

I think she needs to see a therapist... And maybe laying off the porn could help...

[vindoletta]

What about other risky kinks such as knife play, erotic asphyxiation, harsh impact play such as whipping…?

I found this kink which sounds similar to what LW describes but it's not exactly the same:

"Hybristophilia can be described as a sexual arousal and attraction to people who commit cruel, gruesome crimes like murder and rape."

[ioplokon]

I think LW vastly underestimates the degree to which a motivated software developer could ruin your life...

[cimorene]

+1

[frenzy]

ACAB, baby lmao

[minoanmiss]

That's why I posted this, really. When I read this letter I thought "I am SO gLAd tHat's NOT ME", and LW doesn't seem to be happy with her desires either. How much can one change what one wants if one doesn't want to want it?

[likeaduck]

Okay I actually want to address the roleplay thing! I think we need more info. Were the people LW roleplayed with any good at it? What did they think they were roleplaying? Because if the LW is getting off on the possibility that her partner might murder her, and her roleplay partner thinks he's wearing a fun costume for some handcuff bondage, or playing an upstanding authority figure, his performance is probably not going to do it for the LW. If this seems like it might be part of the problem, consider (as in the answer above) seeking out very dedicated kink communities, people who are experienced and specific about the kinks they roleplay, and very clear communication about what about the role you're asking them to play actually gets you off. And relatedly, more introspection about what about it gets you off and why (and what else might arouse you) might be helpful with instructing partners and planning satisfying roleplay scenes, figuring out different categories of people who might do it for you, and also figuring out if there are places where your desire is a bit more malleable or where it's shifted over time, that might be areas to explore more and start to shift towards some other fulfilling options for sexual pleasure.

[minoanmiss]

Oh, well said! I wish I could forward this to the LW.