Dear Prudence: Posted for the Puns

[minoanmiss]

Work has left me too frayed to braid in additions, but I still had to award this one a ribbon.

Help! I’m Losing Sleep Over What My Daughter Wants to Do to Her Hair.

Everything to lose and nothing to Rogaine: My spouse (she/her) and I (he/him) are tangled up in our 21-year-old daughter’s hair.

She’s a college senior, and generally doing well, except for one knotty issue: She’s headed to the stylist for a severe haircut for a college theater role—think Captain Picard in Star Trek.

One parent feels youth is a good time for experimentation; people, including women, can sport shaved heads if they like; and hair grows back. The other parent is certain that shearing her lovely locks is a serious mistake our daughter will deeply regret. (She’ll be looking for a social services job soon—what, this parent wonders, will interviewers say about a candidate whose scalp is reminiscent of Sir Ben Kingsley?) Please don’t brush us off—help us get to the root of our problem. In all seriousness, one of us is losing sleep over the situation.

Okay, I’m not brushing you (or your spouse, whichever of you is worried) off. But if you are losing sleep over a 21-year-old’s haircut, that tells me you have a lot of bandwidth available for worrying and are likely not having to deal with concerns about things like your daughter’s mental or physical health, her drug use, her abusive relationship, her eating disorder, or her dropping out of school. Give yourself a pat on the back as parents. Your kid is fine. With a combination of luck and good parenting, you helped her make all the way to adulthood and through college free from any huge crisis, and your biggest concern is about something that, even if it proves to be a terrible idea, will be fixed (or at least a pixie cut) in six months. You should go out to dinner to celebrate! It’s 2021 and I sincerely believe a significant percentage of employers (and definitely the employer that is right for her) won’t care about her hairstyle.

You asked for the root of the problem: The difficult transition that is letting a young adult offspring grow up and make their own choices. You and your spouse want to protect them from pain and struggle, and that’s okay. But you need to trust that you’ve done your job and she can make her own choices now.

Comments

[minoanmiss]

So did the puns sail over Prudie's coiffure, or did she say to herself, "Nope, not adding any extensions to this one! It's hairy enough!"

[gingicat]

8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8

[adrian_turtle]

I think she just applied Occam's Razor and gave the simplest answer.

[annotated_em]

This Prudie probably figured she couldn't come close to what Yoffe!Prudie would have done and styled her response accordingly.

[bikergeek]

She could have told the parents not to wig out, and toupee no attention. After all, they taught their kid how to beehive herself. What's it to them if her new 'do causes a buzz?

[conuly]

Do these parents think their daughter does not know about wigs? I mean, if this even is a problem, which it likely is not.

gratuitous icon post

[jadelennox]

I shaved my head repeatedly in my 20s, and also died it in multicolored stripes back in the late 90s when that was still socially unacceptable, and I got multiple well-paying jobs. Also, wigs exist.

[cereta]

I'll admit that, funny as the write-up is (and it is very funny), I'm sort of stuck on, "And the decision you have to make is...?" My mother pretty much ceded any control over my hair in high school. Other than making sure she follows any school requirements, I pretty much let the Teenager do what she wanted from the time she was old enough to stop giving herself do-it-yourself half-mullets.

[minoanmiss]

That's because you're a sensible parent who doesn't look for opportunities to upbraid your child.

(Sorry, couldn't resist.)

[xenacryst]

Thanks, minoanmiss, I needed this conditioning this morning. :D

[minoanmiss]

BWEEE We all need a cheerful letter to curl around every so often. :D

[heavenscalyx]

Also, unless she's applying for jobs on January 1, hair grows back faster than people think. I have to get my short hair reshaved every 6 weeks or so.

[vindoletta]

I know both the accepting parent and the answer are in the right, but I cringed at the other parent's boundary pushing. Hopefully it won't become a bigger issue between LW's daughter and the disapproving parent.

/personal rant, sorry
I also want to get an extreme haircut. I know I won't discuss it with my mom until I leave the salon, because she's that weird about long hair. Otherwise she'll whine every time the topic comes up, maybe even guilt trip me. I've spent years trying to get her to drop the subject or not make my hairstyling choices about herself, because it's irritating and it made me feel bad about my body, but it only works for a while. /end of personal rant


Sometimes the people who should support our choices and encourage us are the ones who try to fit us into boxes. :/ :S

[minoanmiss]

Don't I hear you. I remember when I stopped relaxing my hair and went natural.

I am cheering you on!

[vindoletta]

Thank you, I appreciate it. :)

[fred_mouse]

All the sympathy on dealing with your mother. I hope you get a fabulous hair cut!

[vindoletta]

<3 💜