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agonyaunt2021-11-16 05:24 pm
ermingarden) wrote in agonyaunt2021-11-16 05:24 pm
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The Ethicist: Unvaccinated Friend
A friend had Covid more than a year ago and does not think she needs to be vaccinated. When I raise the issue, she says that she has been tested and still has some antibodies or that she has had a recent negative coronavirus test.
I have an immune-system disorder and have had to be extremely careful during the pandemic. I have now had two vaccines and a booster shot, and my friend has extended several invitations for dinner at her home. I don’t think it’s unsafe to go to her home for dinner, because I am fully vaccinated. But I worry that the unvaccinated may allow the Delta variant to continue to spread and possibly mutate, putting everyone at risk once again. I do understand that some people have medical conditions that prevent them from getting a vaccine or object to vaccines for religious reasons, but my friend does not fall into either category. Given how strongly I believe in vaccination, should I decline her dinner invitation on principle? Name Withheld
There are two things you might call principles here. The first is that people like your friend ought to get vaccinated because it contributes to the common good. Even if you’ve had Covid, vaccination further lowers your chances of reinfection and helps slow the spread of the disease. This is a practice that we all benefit from and that we should do our fair share to sustain. That’s a principle I agree with.
The second principle is that one shouldn’t dine with people who ignore principles like the first one. For you, this is mainly an expressive act. Your friend must know that you think she’s mistaken; refusing to dine with her is presumably a way to underline your disagreement. You would be a better judge than I am of whether this is likely to encourage her to get vaccinated as well — or whether you would be damaging your friendship to no effect. That matters, because when our friends do something wrong, our aim should be to encourage them to do better, not to make them indignant or resentful.
Another approach might be more effective. Vaccines don’t always work well in people who are immunocompromised. If you feel safe, I hope it’s because your doctor was able to make that assessment in your case. Still, even if the risks to you are low, they would be even lower if she were vaccinated, too. Asking her to get vaccinated for your sake might be more effective than telling her that you so disapprove of her position that you don’t want to spend time in her company.
I have an immune-system disorder and have had to be extremely careful during the pandemic. I have now had two vaccines and a booster shot, and my friend has extended several invitations for dinner at her home. I don’t think it’s unsafe to go to her home for dinner, because I am fully vaccinated. But I worry that the unvaccinated may allow the Delta variant to continue to spread and possibly mutate, putting everyone at risk once again. I do understand that some people have medical conditions that prevent them from getting a vaccine or object to vaccines for religious reasons, but my friend does not fall into either category. Given how strongly I believe in vaccination, should I decline her dinner invitation on principle? Name Withheld
There are two things you might call principles here. The first is that people like your friend ought to get vaccinated because it contributes to the common good. Even if you’ve had Covid, vaccination further lowers your chances of reinfection and helps slow the spread of the disease. This is a practice that we all benefit from and that we should do our fair share to sustain. That’s a principle I agree with.
The second principle is that one shouldn’t dine with people who ignore principles like the first one. For you, this is mainly an expressive act. Your friend must know that you think she’s mistaken; refusing to dine with her is presumably a way to underline your disagreement. You would be a better judge than I am of whether this is likely to encourage her to get vaccinated as well — or whether you would be damaging your friendship to no effect. That matters, because when our friends do something wrong, our aim should be to encourage them to do better, not to make them indignant or resentful.
Another approach might be more effective. Vaccines don’t always work well in people who are immunocompromised. If you feel safe, I hope it’s because your doctor was able to make that assessment in your case. Still, even if the risks to you are low, they would be even lower if she were vaccinated, too. Asking her to get vaccinated for your sake might be more effective than telling her that you so disapprove of her position that you don’t want to spend time in her company.
pikuach nefesh, baby
My ethics actively requires that I ostracize people who are unvaccinated-by-choice (as opposed to by necessity or unavoidable circumstance), to be honest. Just as I would ostracize somebody who injected strychnine into the town water supply. Or to bring in a more parallel example: some people have a religious belief that they should send their queer kids to pray-away-the-gay camp. Those people get their queer kids killed, and I believe they should be ostracized just as much as people who have a religious or non-religious belief that public health guidelines don't apply to them.
That said, the ethicist is right. Say "I have an immune system disorder, and I will not go to the home of an unvaccinated person for my own safety." If LW's friend is any kind of friend worth keeping, they'll respect that.
Although if the LW goes other places maskless indoors with unvaxxed folks (eg. around unvaccinated kids or in restaurants), then they shouldn't use that as an excuse. If nothing else, friend might learn of the hypocrisy.
Just be open about it. Ostracism has actually been changing people's behaviour on this one.
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If the friend doesn't care enough about her immunocompromised friend's safety, let alone general public health, to get a simple vaccination, then that's important information about how good a friend she is.
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COVID-19 Vaccines Provide 5 Times the Protection of Natural Immunity, CDC Study Says
As a fellow immunocompromised person, I’m not voluntarily spending time with anyone who is unvaccinated.
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My local CBS affiliate has been using it as a cautionary tale, which is how I know about it at all.
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fortunately, we are mostly-estranged so we rarely talk and have only seen each other 2x in the past 4 years, but....dang.
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I can understand why you’re estranged, with this as just one data point — and I’m horrified that his vaccine refusal is putting his ER patients at risk :(
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They did get vaccinated as soon as possible, but it’s been shocking to see a formerly fit, healthy construction worker/mechanic in his late 30’s now REALLY struggling to just keep up with basic tasks and suffering massive fatigue.
(He wasn’t hospitalized or intubated, they were mild/moderate cases, but they messed him UP — and his partner, who already had chronic health issues, may have to apply for disability, because even working part-time from home isn’t working out.)