Dear Abby: Girlfriend Wants Live-In Beau To End His Marriage

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: I have been with a man for the last six years. He has been separated for 20 years. When I asked him if he was going to finalize his divorce, he said no. When I said I would like a commitment, he said he gave me one when he moved in five years ago. I said I want more. His wife even asked him for a divorce, but he said it's expensive. I told him by my upcoming 50th birthday I want a yes or no on the divorce. What should I do? -- IN LIMBO IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR IN LIMBO: Assuming this man lives with you rent-free, you have spent the last six years with a houseguest who is more concerned with his net worth than your need for validation. If his wife wanted a divorce, it would have happened already, and the issue of property division could have been bifurcated (separated). Obviously, this arrangement is serving them both in some way. Your next step should be to make a final decision about whether the status quo is acceptable to you, because it isn't going to change.

Comments

[cereta]

Oh my Gooooood, why do women believe this horseshit, over and over and over? I swear, I want to make, "things that should have you slamming the door in a heartbeat" part of the high school curriculum. Item: "Lots of people have HPV!"

[conuly]

At least this one actually left his wife.

[likeaduck]

I mean...lots of people do have HPV?

[cereta]

I should have provided context: when said by one person to another person in the context of them having sex with each other, it is usually presented as a reason not to guard against HPV transmission.

[likeaduck]

Sure. It's part of the reason my partner and I decided not to use barriers. We talked about it, we both feel like HPV is super common, and not a big enough deal for us to be worth changing our sex practices over.

I get that you have a specific scenario in mind where someone is being shitty, but I kind of think holding that line up as a universal sign of shittiness stigmatizes having HPV. Like, I think the actual sentiment you're trying to convey with it is "your boundaries and sense of safety don't matter", but that's not what those words necessarily mean out of context.

[cereta]

Fair enough.