Ask a Manager: How Can I Come Out As Queer Mid-Career?

[minoanmiss]

I’ve been with my employer for over 10 years and in that time my personal identity has shifted significantly from the professional identity I projected at my hiring. I allowed my colleagues to assume I was a straight, cisgender woman in a monogamous relationship. That was never true but when I was younger I was willing to hide key parts of my identity for a significant career opportunity.

Something about having my colleagues “in” my home via Zoom has made the separation between my personal and professional life more upsetting. Addintally we have an active team working to deepen our diversity and I struggle with the exclusion of LGBTQIA+ identities from that work. The reality is I am a non-binary, bisexual human in a polyamorous relationship. How can I redefine myself as a queer person at work?

Comments

[ioplokon]

Hm to me this is a twofold question. One: how much do you want work involved in your personal life? If this wasn't an issue/was less of an issue pre-zoom, then maybe part of the problem is that work is running roughshod over personal boundaries in a remote environment. Basically whatever level of outness you want to have, feeling like that is in your control (and isn't gonna happen bc like idk your partners walk behind the camera or whatever) is a big relief.

Then the second is about being out at work if you want to be. Which is pretty situational and depends on the vibe. Seems like the work environment is one that's not super accepting but where people know writer well which is like Advanced Coming Out. I would do the slow game of having a plan and dropping hints but I once accidentally came out to my boss because he said exes could never stay in the same social circle and I had to be like well as a lesbian... So, I am bad at following that kind of advice.