Care and Feeding: Bird is Not the Word

[minoanmiss]

I Don’t Want Dead Aunt Mildred’s Pet Parakeet
But she bequeathed it to my daughter.

My Aunt Mildred has just passed. She was in her late 80s, it was in her sleep, we’re all at peace about it.

Here’s the problem: In her will, she left my 14-year-old daughter her horrible bird. I am biased, because I grew up in New York and see all birds as rats with wings, but I never imagined one would wind up living and pooping in my house.

It’s a monk parakeet, which the internet tells me can live from 15 to 20 years (“Hawk” is, as far as we can tell, about 5 years old.) I don’t want it in my house, and I really don’t want to inherit it when my daughter leaves for college. What do I do?


—Shudder

Dear Shudder,

As someone else who would never allow a bird to live in her home, I understand your aversion. Nor am I overly hung up on Aunt Mildred’s wishes here, as she is dead. She shouldn’t have bought a bird that lives for 20 years in her 80s if she wanted to control all possible outcomes.

Does your daughter want the bird? If—after she has been brought up to speed on the amount of care she will have to provide the bird, minus any parental assistance, financial or otherwise—she still wants the bird, then I think you have a bird now. I’m very sorry.

If your daughter does not want the bird or the responsibilities that come with it, take it to a bird sanctuary, where it can live with many, many other exotic birds that old people have willed to their squeamish children and grandchildren. Don’t sell it to a pet store.

Please keep me posted. Please do not send me the bird. I do not want it.

Comments

[conuly]

Unrelatedly, there's a free-living colony of monk parakeets in Brooklyn. Which I only mention because the LW says she grew up in NY, not because releasing pets into the wild is a good idea.

https://www.bbg.org/news/birds_of_brooklyn_monk_parakeet

[xenacryst]

Feral parrot and parakeet colonies seem to be fairly common in US cities, actually. San Francisco has a notorious parrot colony, and I believe other California cities have some as well.

[julian]

Huh. I thought birds were one of the pets a lot of college dorms accepted.

(But yeah, if she doesn't want it come college, ASPCA also takes them.

But, LW may find they come to appreciate the bird. My father was once voluble in his dislike for cats. My brother then had to rehome his cat with them for awhile (in his late 20s, I think), and my dad became the cat's boon companion. And he admitted the cat was "very endearing, in his own way.")

[lemonsharks]

I am biased, because I grew up in New York and see all birds as rats with wings

*insert incoherent shriek of rage here*

(Pigeons particularly are domestic animals which were released and forgotten about. Feral parrots descend from trafficked birds stolen from their natural habitats and released into environments they're unsuited for; their success in those locations is despite the biomes, not because of the. And pet rats are intelligent, affectionate, and clean. All these species deserve the same sympathy afforded stray dogs.)

I am also not fond of the response not addressing what to do if the daughter does want the bird. In which case, tough cookies LW, you have a pet bird now. Get onboard and learn how to love a being who didn't ask to live with a bridgetroll who hates it.

Emotion is catching. The bird knows the LW loathes it. The bird is probably terrified of the LW. And I hate to say it but if the LW is going to be this way? I feel like C&F really dropped the ball by not coming right out and saying the hard truth: You have a bird now. You accepted the bird from your aunt's next of kin. That was your choice. The bird is your responsibility now.

As C&F might have pointed out with, oh, idk. A dog.

But since LW clearly lacks the self-confidence or boundaries god gave a mosquito, they're in the situation where they learn that rehoming birds is very difficult and that if they don't want the bird in their house they're probably going to have to explain to their 14 year old why they're humanely euthanizing (read: killing) her pet, an otherwise healthy, active animal in the prime of its life with no health or behavior problems worth mentioning in this letter.

--

My bias: A local feral parrot flew into my family's sliding glass door when I was 12. He was overheated, dehydrated, and distressed. We kept him and loved him for 25 years. Then a neighbor who was on birdsitting duty, chosen because had parrot experience and should have known better, let her unsupervised four year old niece open his cage and he escaped.

[minoanmiss]

OMG you had a parrot! He sounds amazing! I choose to believe that, like our cat who escaped one day, that he ended up in another awesome home.

FWIW, the response does say, "Does your daughter want the bird? If [after being properly informed]she still wants the bird,then I think you have a bird now." And recommends a bird sanctuary. I would definitely have been incensed if those pieces of relevant advice had been omitted.

I really want to know why LW's aunt left the bird to LW's daughter -- I thought that deserved some exploration. Did Aunt and Daughter bond over parrot awesomitude? Or was this completely random? Or something in between?

[lemonsharks]

That brings my rage down a bit.

I spent so many hours estate planning for my parents for that bird, I swear. I learned that sanctuaries are over burdened with waiting lists and have a high cost of operation and low rate of turnover, since parrots are so smart and get traumatized so easily.

[minoanmiss]

That makes so much sense. It's like a child in a way -- being responsibile for a living creature with a mind that is likely to outlive one.

Anyway he is living in a cool lovely house now. I know it.

[shirou]

I got an unmistakable vibe from the response that Nicole Cliff was the columnist and clicked over to Slate to see whether she had returned to C&F. Nicole was indeed the author, but alas, it's an old letter.

I hate birds, and I wouldn't bring one into my house. In LW's position, I would call a bird rescue organization.

[tielan]

Okay, I read this and mentally asked, "Literally, Aunt Mildred?"

There is definitely a missing missing reason in there. One does not bequeath a pet to someone random (not if one has any fondness for said pet), so there's a reason the 14 y.o. was chosen as the recipient of the bird.

Regarding care-and-feeding-of, 14 does not seem too young to be taking on the responsibility of caring for a bird, including organising for it to be managed during periods when 14 y.o. is absent, so long as Ms 14 recognises those are her responsibilities.

[lilysea]

So, even if someone names you as their child's guardian in their will,
if you hadn't agreed to be named guardian, you get to say NO.

You cannot bequeath someone a bird by fiat.

You get to say no!