(no subject)

[conuly]

Dear Amy: I have been married to my husband for four years. His entire family hates me. He was raised a strict Mormon but left the church long before he met me. Yet his family openly blames me for "making him " turn his back on religion.

They are upset with me because I will not have any more children (my husband does not have biological children of his own). They ignore me any time we are around them, even at our wedding. How can I get them to see that they are toxic, and it's not all me, as they constantly claim? — Frustrated in Washington

Dear Frustrated: You should not engage in a contest with your in-laws to prove who is more “toxic.” In fact, if these people consistently treat you badly, you should reduce your contact with them. Your husband should also push back, calmly, every single time they disrespect you.

Distance and detachment will be a liberation for you.

https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/askamy/s-2404383?fs

Comments

[conuly]

This advice is actually good. I don't expect this standard from most advice columnists, so kudos to Amy this time.

[green_grrl]

Right? Finally.

[cimorene]

I came here to say "Amy is right?!"

[cereta]

I will say that Amy is a little less gone on the Cult of Family than, say, Annie (the Mansons were a little less gone on that than she is, in fairness). From the tidbits she drops about her own background, I think she's actually experienced complicated relationships at some point.

[tielan]

I'm not sure why LW thinks her in-laws will ever admit to being toxic.

This seems to be one of those situations where people are placing a heightened value on 'biological family' than the biological family actually deserves.

[xenacryst]

This is one of those ones where I a) wonder if there's a husband in here at all, or just a husband-shaped hole between the in-laws and the LW, and b) why they're bothering to associate with the in-laws at all if they're so toxic - if my birth family did that to my spouse I'd kick them to the curb and get on with my life.

[cereta]

UGH, yes. This is why I so often preach "each person should handle their own family." Not that I always practice it *cough*myinlawsarecomplicated*cough*, but the number of times I have seen particularly wives left to deal with problem behavior on the part of in-laws drives me nuts.