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Wife resents brother-in-law and his wife for lack of generosity
Dear Amy: My husband is an identical twin. He is very close to his twin brother, "Chet." Chet is married and has three children. His wife is a spoiled millennial with a short fuse and unpredictable moods. My husband and I have tried for children for a decade now, with no luck. I take issue with something I feel I can't talk to my husband about without him getting defensive and upset. We are very good to his brother's family, attending the kids' games, events and birthday parties. I gave up going on vacation this year so his brother and kids could go with my husband instead of me. We give gifts to the kids, and for Chet and his wife's birthdays. (I'm lucky to get a text message on my birthday.) For Christmas, we dropped more than $200 on gifts for them. My husband and I received nothing from them. I give so much throughout the year! Do we just continue to be neglected because we don't have kids? I felt like I was kicked in the gut leaving the Christmas 'gift exchange' with nothing. Am I being too sensitive, or are my feelings warranted? What is the best way to communicate this to my husband without him feeling like I'm attacking his brother/family? - Flying Solo
Flying Solo: It’s tough to face this sort of very obvious imbalance. Of course you notice, and of course you feel bad about it! My question is — given the imbalance that seems to exist here, why do you sign up for more? You need to take better care of yourself. You should not surrender your own vacation for this other family. Your husband is a twin, but he is married to you. You should continue to give to the children. Dive in and love these children abundantly. If the adults don’t participate in a gift exchange (many adults don’t), then you shouldn’t, either. That way, you can enjoy your generosity toward the children without feeling sorry for yourself.
Flying Solo: It’s tough to face this sort of very obvious imbalance. Of course you notice, and of course you feel bad about it! My question is — given the imbalance that seems to exist here, why do you sign up for more? You need to take better care of yourself. You should not surrender your own vacation for this other family. Your husband is a twin, but he is married to you. You should continue to give to the children. Dive in and love these children abundantly. If the adults don’t participate in a gift exchange (many adults don’t), then you shouldn’t, either. That way, you can enjoy your generosity toward the children without feeling sorry for yourself.