minoanmiss (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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agonyaunt2020-01-09 12:02 pm
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2020-01-09 12:02 pm
Entry tags:
Care & Feeding: So Proud of Your Misdeed
[I thought this one was pretty cute]
Dear Care and Feeding,
I am a father of two boys, ages 9 and 5. Instead giving them a traditional allowance, I wrote a little app for their shared tablet that tracks redeemable "points." They get points for doing chores, doing well in educational games, school performance, etc. They can trade them in for money for toys, candy, and other special treats. This worked great for quite some time.
About a week ago, I went on a road trip and came back to my eldest son having about triple the number of points he had when I left. Long story short: He figured out what program I use to edit the app and, thanks to YouTube coding videos, figured out how to award himself points. He has been punished for cheating, but in truth, I am thrilled. He showed incredible drive and ingenuity, and I want to encourage these traits in him. How do I go about praising the good (self-teaching, dedication, learning a new skill) without also rewarding the bad (cheating, hacking)?
—Stanley Jobson Sr. (Apparently)
Dear Mr. Jobson,
That is one of the most impressive kid scams I have ever heard!
This is a great opportunity to talk about why what he did was wrong, and what the impact of those actions, aside from his punishment, has been. You took the time to create something that had meaning for him and his little brother, and he disregarded that meaning by attempting to cheat the system. How did that make you feel inside? Hurt? Sad? Disappointed? Kids need to hear about it when they stir these emotions in their parents. There’s no need for an extended guilt trip, but he should come to understand that parents don’t get upset when kids do mischievous things simply because mischief has occurred.
There’s also a conversation to be had about the value of work. The system is designed in part to help him appreciate what it takes to earn something, and his little stunt ran afoul of that. As you make him aware of just how and why his actions were wrong, you can also make a point to explain how impressive his hacking was and how valuable that skill can be for doing the right thing in the future. You should encourage him to learn more about coding and consider finding ways to help him to continue honing those talents. Good luck, you are gonna need it! Hopefully he is the next Stanley Jobson and will make you wealthy one day.
Dear Care and Feeding,
I am a father of two boys, ages 9 and 5. Instead giving them a traditional allowance, I wrote a little app for their shared tablet that tracks redeemable "points." They get points for doing chores, doing well in educational games, school performance, etc. They can trade them in for money for toys, candy, and other special treats. This worked great for quite some time.
About a week ago, I went on a road trip and came back to my eldest son having about triple the number of points he had when I left. Long story short: He figured out what program I use to edit the app and, thanks to YouTube coding videos, figured out how to award himself points. He has been punished for cheating, but in truth, I am thrilled. He showed incredible drive and ingenuity, and I want to encourage these traits in him. How do I go about praising the good (self-teaching, dedication, learning a new skill) without also rewarding the bad (cheating, hacking)?
—Stanley Jobson Sr. (Apparently)
Dear Mr. Jobson,
That is one of the most impressive kid scams I have ever heard!
This is a great opportunity to talk about why what he did was wrong, and what the impact of those actions, aside from his punishment, has been. You took the time to create something that had meaning for him and his little brother, and he disregarded that meaning by attempting to cheat the system. How did that make you feel inside? Hurt? Sad? Disappointed? Kids need to hear about it when they stir these emotions in their parents. There’s no need for an extended guilt trip, but he should come to understand that parents don’t get upset when kids do mischievous things simply because mischief has occurred.
There’s also a conversation to be had about the value of work. The system is designed in part to help him appreciate what it takes to earn something, and his little stunt ran afoul of that. As you make him aware of just how and why his actions were wrong, you can also make a point to explain how impressive his hacking was and how valuable that skill can be for doing the right thing in the future. You should encourage him to learn more about coding and consider finding ways to help him to continue honing those talents. Good luck, you are gonna need it! Hopefully he is the next Stanley Jobson and will make you wealthy one day.
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I can believe it -- he is still just nine, and I can see how he got overenthusiastic about adding on the points. Restraint is a whole other kind of difficulty from coding.
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EXCELLENT aunting!
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When I was a little smarter I did what I advise everybody else to do, which is to just move on as though they hadn't lied to me. That's the better option all the time. But sometimes, man, I just was so irked by their low-effort lying.