Dear Prudence: I’m Thinking of Transitioning, but I Don’t Support All LGBTQ Rights

[lemonsharks]

 Dear Prudence,
As a recreational cross-dresser, I’m increasingly feeling like I want to transition, which would make me trans and a lesbian. However, I have serious doubts about some “LGBT rights.” I am firmly against allowing trans women to compete in women’s sports. I am against forcing bakers to participate in celebrations that they don’t agree with. I am even sympathetic to concerns about an “LGBT agenda” being pushed on children and parents. On the other hand, I have used the ladies’ restroom while en femme and am grateful for LGBT protections that may make my life easier going forward. I used to think that a middle ground was often good, but now I’m not sure whether such middle grounds are really viable. Would it be wrong to transition while holding lukewarm views on LGBT rights?
—Transitioning While Not Fully Supporting LGBT Rights

I think it’s good to have robust, progressive views on LGBT rights, but they’re not a necessary precondition for transitioning. Caitlyn Jenner is one of the most famous trans women in the world, and she’s rather well-known for her lukewarm views on the subject. If you’re concerned that you may find yourself on the outs with other trans people by espousing these views and therefore may not have the strong community support you need during your transition, then I’d encourage you to spend a little time preparing for how to deal with conflict graciously and respectfully. Perhaps you might spend time learning more about how rights that might not seem desirable or beneficial to you might be so for other members of the community. You are free not to participate in any sports professionally or recreationally, to only patronize the bakers you like, to ignore all children and parents, and generally to sit out the push for any rights you don’t support. It may help for you to think about the causes you do support and find ways to further them, rather than worrying about causes you don’t. If you were to move from having certain private qualms to actively campaigning, say, against an “LGBT agenda being pushed on children” (I’m not quite sure what that would look like—forced calendar updates?), you may very well find your life quite lonely, alienating both transphobes and trans people alike. But none of that would have any bearing on whether you ought to transition. That’s your call to make.

Comments

[lemonsharks]

I ... do not even know where to start with this one, but I think it's somewhere in the neighborhood of, "fuck YOU, lady".

[watersword]

1. Prudie was much much nicer than I would have been about this.
2. He did, however, miss the opportunity for a "no true Scotslady" joke.

[laurajv]

I don't know how Daniel kept it together for that one, I really don't. (Whyyyy would one even write in to DP about this? It doesn't seem honest. The only thing I can think of is looking to make a point about political agendas, hoping Daniel would say "no, you have to believe X, Y, and Z"? "Look, this trans person says I can't transition without holding certain beliefs!" which is ridiculous but...the agenda-pushed-on-children thing makes me feel like this is kind of where it was going.)

[lemonsharks]

Seriously. I have the strong feeling that I would have said something like, "Luckily for you, LW, it's possible to be both trans and an absolute bridge troll at the same time."

[the_rck]

Yes. This.

[minoanmiss]

Word.

[delight]

Your identity is your identity, but don't expect to make trans friends ... or get a girlfriend, ever ...

[cereta]

Yeah, I'm thinking that was a bait-letter; someone was expecting Prudie to jump on the LW.

[rosefox]

I would be really surprised if this were legit. REALLY surprised.

[lemonsharks]

I certainly hope it's fake. But I've also known enough self-hating queer conservatives in my time to recognize the mental gymnastics the LW is performing--and to suspect that it's a real letter.

[torachan]

Nah, I have certainly met very conservative trans people who hate being associated with the LGBT community and are very adamant about not being like those icky queers. The LW is actually more middle road than some, so I could totally believe she's real.

[watersword]

Yeah, I 100% buy this as someone who desperately wants "permission" to transition while simultaneously wanting someone to "give them a reason" why they can't, preferably a reason that bolsters existing prejudices about being queer.

[staranise]

Yeah, I'm reminded of kids on Tumblr who don't like the word "queer" because "it makes us sound like we're the same as those other freaks". It's one thing to be LGBT+, another to hold your nose and take the plunge into "these rights are for everyone."

[lemonsharks]

Which in turn reminds me of an argument I heard as a kid, back when don't ask don't tell was (1) up for debate and (2) considered a huge leap forward in gay rights: "do you think I would choose being like this if I had the option to be cishet?"

Often it was coupled with the subtext, "What does this mean for my identity as a conservative/a fundamentalist/evangelical Christian?" and accompanied self-loathing.

[ayebydan]

Fair reply. 'You do you but don't expect friends'

[minoanmiss]

Prudence, that was pretty classy. I would have given the LW the rough side of my tongue.