Ask Ellie: Should I be dating my doctor?

[fairestcat]

Q: I’ve been involved in a long-term relationship with my physician.

Apparently, doctor/patient relationships turning personal are a lot more common than people realize.

We cannot be seen together in public and cannot be as “out” about our relationship as we’d like, for obvious reasons.

I like keeping things private, but having to sneak around can also put a strain on things and makes me wonder if it’s really worth the trouble.

When do you know when it’s time to throw in the towel?

--Secret Relationship

A: End it now. You’re sneaking around because you both already know that he could lose his right to practice medicine since you’re an ongoing patient of his.

And you’re already doubting the value of hanging onto such a strained situation.

Many legal jurisdictions have laws against doctor-patient sexual activity, while others have guidelines about not starting a sexual relationship even with a former patient.

“A relationship between a doctor and a patient is never really equal” the president of the U.S. General Medical Council had stated in 2006.　

In Canada, doctor-patient romances are prohibited by law through provincial Colleges of Physicians and Surgeons.

In 2017, the discipline panel of the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario, revoked a psychiatrist’s license for starting a romantic relationship one month after the end of their doctor-patient relationship, despite that he intended to marry his lover.

Decisions are particularly stringent if psychotherapy or counselling was part of the doctor-patient relationship, or if sexual abuse can be claimed, even if there was consent, due to a power imbalance.

Cases are treated less stringently in the United States, except when sexual abuse is involved.

Even if you’d stated deep love for this man, I’d still advise taking a break.

Find out exactly how this union will be treated professionally and consider the likely effects on both of you.

Is he willing to give up his medical career for you?

Or, has it been the excitement of a secret liaison that’s fuelled this romance… until now?

You’ll soon know what to do.　

Comments

[fairestcat]

I just...what did she think the answer would be?

[ambyr]

I don’t understand why the obvious answer of “find a different doctor” has not occurred to her.

[fairestcat]

Right?!? If I were to make the mistake of getting into a ethically dubious relationship, the FIRST thing I'd do would be to take steps to make it less ethically dubious.

[lilysea]

Unless LW is in a small country town, and there's only one Dr?

But yes, otherwise, FIND A NEW DR.

[minoanmiss]

Me three.

[jadelennox]

Yeah, that's the obvious response. (And my answer to LW would be "find a different doctor, because if your current doctor/secret lover didn't tell you 'I'd like to date you; how do you feel about finding a different doctor so we can?' then either their ethics or their long-term planning and intelligence are in such short supply they can't be trusted with your health.")