Dear Abby: Best Friend's Invitation Loses Appeal As Details Are Revealed

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend's best friend asked if we could drive an hour to visit them and their children on Saturday. I've met her twice, and we have chatted a bit online. I have met her fiance only once.

My boyfriend just told me she wants to take off with him to a bar for a birthday drink -- or two -- while I stay at home with her fiance. When I heard about it, I said I am not OK with being excluded. He understood and agreed they would take a walk around the block instead.

When I texted her saying I didn't want to be ditched, she insisted that I need to share him, and her fiance is looking forward to getting to know me better. She also tried to guilt me, saying it's her birthday weekend.

I think she's rude. I've never been to their house, and I'm not friends with her fiance. When you invite a couple over, I believe the expectation is to socialize as a group, not break off. I also think it should have been a request versus something I was told is happening. If she wants to spend time with my boyfriend, they should make separate plans. Can you please weigh in on the etiquette? -- UNEXPECTED PLANS IN THE EAST

DEAR UNEXPECTED: You appear to be the new kid on the block, while your boyfriend, his best friend and the fiance have known one another a long time. The purpose of getting together is for all concerned to have an enjoyable time. If you wouldn't feel comfortable in the situation as it was described, you shouldn't have been pressured to agree, regardless of whether it's her birthday weekend. She was wrong to do that, and yes, it was rude.

Comments

[minoanmiss]

I don't at all think couples need to be joined at the hip (in fact I find that idea creepy), but I really wouldn't want to agree to a plan to be left alone with a man I'd never met before.

[eleanorjane]

Well, that's totally fair, and in that situation one would totally want the BF to not just see things from your perspective but have thought of that already so you didn't have to point it out. Not everyone has the same comfort levels though, so I didn't want to assume that was a factor with LW as it's not mentioned in the letter.