Miss Manners: They invited me to brunch at their freezing mansion

[med_cat]

Greetings, everyone! I have been enjoying reading the entries and discussion in this community, and came upon this article today that I thought I'd share:
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Link: wapo.st/4csfhDU

Dear Miss Manners:

I was invited to a brunch as the only guest. The hosts live in a 6,000-square-foot mansion, of which all of the rooms could be photographed for a slick architectural magazine.

Brunch was delicious, but the rub of the situation was that the house was 54 degrees in temperature, and it was 15 degrees outside.

I am on blood thinners and I am very cognizant of cold. When I inquired if they were having heating issues, the reply was that the house is too expensive to warm up to 68 degrees, and that they do not like large gas bills.

I left about two and a half hours later, just after the repast, with near frostbite on my fingers and toes. Would I have been remiss in telling the hosts I could not stay because the house was too cold, and I was very uncomfortable physically?

I would like to have said this before we had our meal. However, I bit my lip and suffered through the whole unpleasant situation.



Making your guests uncomfortable is, without a doubt, bad hosting.

But calling your hosts rude, setting fire to the carpet and/or leaving early are bad guesting.

So how do we get you out of there without numbing your extremities?

You could confess your entire medical history to your hosts and hope that appearing pitiful convinces them to do the right thing. But this seems to Miss Manners both demeaning and not guaranteed of success.

Better to claim not to feel well in the moment and apologize that you had to leave before the meal was served — even if doing so requires a slight numbing of your moral sensibilities.

Comments

[ashbet]

Personally, I think it would be perfectly civil to say that you have a medical condition that is affected by cold, and at least ask if they could turn the heat up in the room you’re in (or loan you a coat and some warm slippers!)

I have very little sympathy for hosts that obviously have means, but are too skinflint to ensure their guest’s comfort.

[med_cat]

I agree! There are many possibilities here:

For the guest to say, "I'm very sensitive to cold" (no additional explanation should be needed), and to ask for a blanket/slippers/coat

For the hosts to think ahead and to turn up the heat (surely a few hours of heat wouldn't have bankrupted them)

For the hosts to buy a space heater or two

etc.

[otter]

There's nothing wrong with saying "I should have brought a sweater, do you have one I may borrow?"
My family of origin kept a basket of slippers near the door for guests to borrow. Because the house was kept no warmer than 64 in winter.

[med_cat]

Absolutely! and I like the approach of your family of origin. Also, 64 degrees is not as bad as 58.

...just to add:

[med_cat]

Myself, I was amused by the second sentence of Miss Manners' reply.

("But calling your hosts rude, setting fire to the carpet and/or leaving early are bad guesting.")

...esp. the "setting fire to the carpet" idea...;)

[topaz_eyes]

Keeping a house at 54 F (12 C) with an outside temp of 15 F (-9.5 C) is risking freezing pipes. If these hosts think the gas bill is too high, wait til they get a plumbing bill for burst pipes.

Also, keeping a house too cold puts dwellers at risk for hypothermia and circulation problems. At the very least the hosts could have installed portable space heaters in the rooms they were using. LW was right to leave early.

[med_cat]

Agreed re: leaving early, and I mean, 2.5 hours is not way early, IMHO

Re: burst pipes, you bring up a good point, and one I'd not considered.

And yes, I wondered how the hosts themselves manage at that temp all winter...I mean, I could see keeping the house temp in mid-60s, but 54? no.

[conuly]

If you cannot afford to heat a 6000 square foot mansion to the legally mandated minimum for rentals, you cannot afford a 6000 square foot mansion. Move somewhere cheaper.

[med_cat]

That too ;)