Dear Abby: Couple is Divided on Division of Labor

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: Can you settle a dispute between my husband and me? Sometimes, I take it upon myself to hand-wash my car because I enjoy seeing my hard work reflected in my shiny car. When I do, it sparks an argument.

His view is that since he's the man, he should be responsible for washing the car. He says there are certain things "women just don't do." I think I'm perfectly capable of washing my car. Should I give up and let him take care of washing my car, or should I stand my ground? -- JUST AS CAPABLE

DEAR CAPABLE: If you want to wash your car occasionally, it should not be grounds for an argument. Many women do, and it's not an issue. However, because your husband seems to find it emasculating, let me suggest that rather than argue about it you allow him to spoil you by doing it for you from time to time. And when he does, if you feel compelled to polish something, let it be your nails while he's out there sweating in the driveway.

Comments

[cereta]

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Dear Abby,

The 1950's called. They want their advice columnist back.

Seriously, the FUCK?

[jadelennox]

On re-read, this last line makes me think whoever is writing this Dear Abby column is trolling:

if you feel compelled to polish something, let it be your nails

I mean, Jeanne Phillips is 65. Maybe she's started contracting out? She certainly has enough money to do so.

[watersword]

What the actual fuck.

[eleanorjane]

GET FUCKED.

Ahem.

[jadelennox]

My BFF has finally Dumped The MF Already, after he was psychologically abusive for years. While the ex's parents agree that his behaviour crossed all the lines, the ex's dad has claimed for years -- to both my BFF and to the ex -- that because mt BFF paid the bills and shit when the ex screwed up the money, she was, and I quote, "emasculating him." BFF is so gaslit that she still kind of agrees with this. It's one of the reasons it took her so many years to get him the hell out of the house. This is a guy who has now spent multiple nights in jail for violating her restraining orders, and the ex-father-in-law still claims she drove him to it by "emasculating him."

Which is a longwinded way of agreeing with you completely. Abby can fucking get fucked, and then she can go fucking volunteer in a domestic violence shelter. Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick.

[annotated_em]

What the actual fuck.

[mommy]

There's a difference between a chore and a treat. In this instance, LW seems to view washing her car as a treat, so how would letting LW's husband wash the car be a case of him spoiling her?

[rosefox]

Dear Abby: what the fuck.

[xenacryst]

Let me answer the first question in the letter for you: No, you can't settle this dispute for them. You're apparently incapable of thinking in the current century, much less settling anything.

[shirou]

Is Abby the worst advice columnist?

The argument is not about washing the car. It's about the husband's respect for the LW and her freedom to make her own choices. That is, in fact, worth arguing about.

[minoanmiss]

Well said.

[lunabee34]

If he throws a fit about her washing the car, what else does he throw a fit about? What else is she not supposed to do or allowed to do?

I refuse to believe that this is the only area in which the husband is controlling.

[neotoma]

...wtf?! It's her car. Maybe she's particular about getting grim out of wheel wells? Maybe she only wants to use a special soap? Maybe she just enjoys washing her car and doesn't want her husband to deprive her of an enjoyable chore?

This is terrible advice. Where is Captain Awkward and enforcement of boundaries -- even if the boundary is 'let me wash my own damned car'?!

[vass]

I really profoundly don't get it. Not LW's question or Abby's response but the whole thing. And I don't think I want to.