Dear Abby: Daughter Pans Dad's Fashion Flair

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: My 62-year-old father has recently started to streak his hair with fluorescent colors. He does it when he goes to his job and coordinates his hair color with his outfits. As far as I know, his employer has not said anything as of yet.

Also, Dad has difficulty with social cues. My mother and I aren't happy with his "fashion" choices and we plead with him to stop doing this. It's embarrassing because it looks stupid and ridiculous. He claims he doesn't care what others think and that he has flair.

Are my mother and I wrong to criticize his "flair"? Isn't this behavior really inappropriate for a man his age? How can we convince him that he's making a fool of himself and should stop? Your help is appreciated. -- NO FOOL LIKE AN OLD FOOL

DEAR N.F.L.A.O.F.: Repeat after me: We cannot change other people; we can only change the way we react to them. Understand that how your father presents himself reflects only on him -- not you. Because you and your mother have tried reasoning with him and he refuses to listen, you all might be happier if you stop making his fashion choices your problem.

Comments

[cereta]

I just colored over my latest attempt at magenta streaks because they kept washing out after two weeks, but still, I would like to cordially invite the LW to go pound sand. Or else come to one of my school's all-faculty meetings and see people in their 40's, 50's, etc with all kinds of hair.

Your dad is having fun. Leave him alone.

[lunabee34]

So say we all. LOL

I think the LW is perfectly fine in thinking the way her dad's doing it doesn't suit him (a faculty member at my uni has died a single spot on the very top of her head bright blue; it looks exceedingly odd), but there's nothing wrong with anyone dying their hair fun colors at any age! And it's his hair. He can do whatever the hell he wants with it that brings him joy.

[the_rck]

A legitimate problem with this would be 'He's an attorney, and some judges won't let him into the courtroom now.' 'I think he looks weird and embarrassing' is not by any stretch of the imagination a valid reason to try to make him stop. It's a valid reaction, but that's entirely different.

It's not as if he's putting his life-- or anyone else's-- in danger.

[shirou]

Abby's advice is (unusually) good, even for matters of greater importance than hair color.

[azurelunatic]

Sounds like he's looking sharp!

[minoanmiss]

I suppose this is the inverse of "my daughter defiled her body with a tattoo" but still, sheesh. It's his hair, LW, not yours, not your mom's. Let him enjoy it.

[eleanorjane]

Letters like this make me so sad - because I can't help imagine that this is a guy who has longed to express himself all his life, and only now feels free to do so.

Interfere with that at your peril, LW. That'd be a dick move.

[cereta]

One of the commenters on Abby's site mentioned that actress Shelley Fabares her been doing funky hair colors lately. She says that she's been an actress her whole life, so this is the first time she's really been able to do what she wants with her hair.

I remember realizing a few years ago that the only person stopping me from doing something funky with my hair color was me. It was so freeing. I'm glad dad isn't listening to the LW.

[rustica]

I think the dad sounds pretty fun, myself. Go him!