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agonyaunt2025-04-03 11:19 am
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2025-04-03 11:19 am
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Care and Feeding: Two On Dogs
I Want to Kick My Neighbor Out of the Camp Carpool Because She Doesn’t Like Dogs
If she responds this way to friendly face kisses, how will she be around kids?
Advice by Jamilah Lemieux
Dear Care and Feeding,
My new neighbor started off our first interaction in June on a very rude note, and now she’s about to be part of the kids’ August camp carpool list, and I feel like I need an apology and an explanation before we drive each other’s kids. I haven’t mentioned this to the other moms in the neighborhood, but I will have to bring it up if I want to find someone to cover her spot.
What happened: We have a friendly, loving, high-energy golden retriever. He’s just out of the puppy stage, so he’s just as energetic but doesn’t know his own size. He’s never hurt anyone, he’s just very excitable. I was walking him through the neighborhood when he slipped off his leash and ran up to her, giving face kisses and wanting to be petted. I assured her that she was friendly, but she replied “I’m not” and shoved him off of her, hard, at me, and basically threw herself into her front door. We haven’t spoken since, and I’m worried if she’s like this with dogs, she’s like this with kids. I also would like an apology. How do I start this, or at least get her out of this group where she has access to my kid, if she is like this?
—Kid and Dog Mom
Dear Kid and Dog Mom,
There are plenty of people who don’t like dogs and are capable of treating children with respect. I don’t think it’s fair to assume that a person who is unkind to dogs would do the same with children. Dog lovers tend to forget that not everyone has the same affinity for pups that they do (“face kisses” is a telling way of referring to getting unexpected animal saliva on one’s face). For all you know, this woman could be afraid of dogs, she may have even been attacked by one in the past. Her reaction to your dog doesn’t guarantee anything with regards to how she’d behave with your child. Simply put, it’s not fair to resent this woman for not liking dogs.
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However, you do still need to clear the air with her before the carpooling. Let her know that you all may have gotten off to a rough start and that you’d like to properly introduce yourself, as your kids are supposed to be riding together. Give her a chance to show you who she is. If she’s truly rude and nasty, then make arrangements to swap your car pool days so you don’t have to drive each other’s children. If she’s a pleasant enough person who just doesn’t like dogs, try your best to look past that. Dogs simply aren’t for everyone, regardless of how sweet and friendly yours may seem to you.
My Brother’s Dog Viciously Attacked My 6-Year-Old. His Reaction Has Left Me Shaken. I responded as any father would, but he’s somehow mad at me?
Advice by Jamilah Lemieux
Dear Care and Feeding,
Last month, while visiting my parents, my brother’s dog attacked my 6-year-old son. My son was running after a ball when the dog ran across the yard, knocked him over, and attacked. Luckily, he was bundled up in layers and a puffer coat. His clothes were ruined, and he had nasty bruising on his neck, shoulder, and upper torso from the bites, but his skin wasn’t broken. It would’ve been so much worse if it had happened in warmer weather.
Of course, I reported the attack to the county and gave my brother a heads-up. Well, he was LIVID and said a lot of hurtful, dismissive things to me, even comparing his dog to my son in terms of importance. We had a falling out over his reaction. (By the way, nothing even happened to the damn dog besides the dog warden coming to talk to my brother.) Before this, my brother and I got along fine but weren’t close. Most of my son’s contact with him has been at family gatherings with my parents. I have decided we won’t be going to any gatherings with my brother for the time being. His callous, selfish response to my son’s attack has shaken me.
My parents “don’t want to get in the middle of it” and invited both our families to Easter as long as the dog doesn’t come.
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Should I explain to my son why we aren’t going to Easter at Grandma and Grandpa’s like we usually do? Or do I just tell him we’re doing something different this year for fun? If I tell him the truth, how do I ensure he doesn’t feel like it’s his fault?
—Change in Plans
Dear Change in Plans,
You can present this year’s alternate plans as something to be excited about, simply a change from the norm. However, if you’re going to be missing many more functions, then in the future, you can let your son know that you and your brother aren’t getting along right now and that you need to take a break from each other. If he presses for more information, let him know it was a disagreement between adults and nothing for him to worry about. There’s no need to tell him that your issue with your brother is related to the biting incident; as you note, it would be too easy for him to feel responsible.
If she responds this way to friendly face kisses, how will she be around kids?
Advice by Jamilah Lemieux
Dear Care and Feeding,
My new neighbor started off our first interaction in June on a very rude note, and now she’s about to be part of the kids’ August camp carpool list, and I feel like I need an apology and an explanation before we drive each other’s kids. I haven’t mentioned this to the other moms in the neighborhood, but I will have to bring it up if I want to find someone to cover her spot.
What happened: We have a friendly, loving, high-energy golden retriever. He’s just out of the puppy stage, so he’s just as energetic but doesn’t know his own size. He’s never hurt anyone, he’s just very excitable. I was walking him through the neighborhood when he slipped off his leash and ran up to her, giving face kisses and wanting to be petted. I assured her that she was friendly, but she replied “I’m not” and shoved him off of her, hard, at me, and basically threw herself into her front door. We haven’t spoken since, and I’m worried if she’s like this with dogs, she’s like this with kids. I also would like an apology. How do I start this, or at least get her out of this group where she has access to my kid, if she is like this?
—Kid and Dog Mom
Dear Kid and Dog Mom,
There are plenty of people who don’t like dogs and are capable of treating children with respect. I don’t think it’s fair to assume that a person who is unkind to dogs would do the same with children. Dog lovers tend to forget that not everyone has the same affinity for pups that they do (“face kisses” is a telling way of referring to getting unexpected animal saliva on one’s face). For all you know, this woman could be afraid of dogs, she may have even been attacked by one in the past. Her reaction to your dog doesn’t guarantee anything with regards to how she’d behave with your child. Simply put, it’s not fair to resent this woman for not liking dogs.
Advertisement
However, you do still need to clear the air with her before the carpooling. Let her know that you all may have gotten off to a rough start and that you’d like to properly introduce yourself, as your kids are supposed to be riding together. Give her a chance to show you who she is. If she’s truly rude and nasty, then make arrangements to swap your car pool days so you don’t have to drive each other’s children. If she’s a pleasant enough person who just doesn’t like dogs, try your best to look past that. Dogs simply aren’t for everyone, regardless of how sweet and friendly yours may seem to you.
My Brother’s Dog Viciously Attacked My 6-Year-Old. His Reaction Has Left Me Shaken. I responded as any father would, but he’s somehow mad at me?
Advice by Jamilah Lemieux
Dear Care and Feeding,
Last month, while visiting my parents, my brother’s dog attacked my 6-year-old son. My son was running after a ball when the dog ran across the yard, knocked him over, and attacked. Luckily, he was bundled up in layers and a puffer coat. His clothes were ruined, and he had nasty bruising on his neck, shoulder, and upper torso from the bites, but his skin wasn’t broken. It would’ve been so much worse if it had happened in warmer weather.
Of course, I reported the attack to the county and gave my brother a heads-up. Well, he was LIVID and said a lot of hurtful, dismissive things to me, even comparing his dog to my son in terms of importance. We had a falling out over his reaction. (By the way, nothing even happened to the damn dog besides the dog warden coming to talk to my brother.) Before this, my brother and I got along fine but weren’t close. Most of my son’s contact with him has been at family gatherings with my parents. I have decided we won’t be going to any gatherings with my brother for the time being. His callous, selfish response to my son’s attack has shaken me.
My parents “don’t want to get in the middle of it” and invited both our families to Easter as long as the dog doesn’t come.
Advertisement
Should I explain to my son why we aren’t going to Easter at Grandma and Grandpa’s like we usually do? Or do I just tell him we’re doing something different this year for fun? If I tell him the truth, how do I ensure he doesn’t feel like it’s his fault?
—Change in Plans
Dear Change in Plans,
You can present this year’s alternate plans as something to be excited about, simply a change from the norm. However, if you’re going to be missing many more functions, then in the future, you can let your son know that you and your brother aren’t getting along right now and that you need to take a break from each other. If he presses for more information, let him know it was a disagreement between adults and nothing for him to worry about. There’s no need to tell him that your issue with your brother is related to the biting incident; as you note, it would be too easy for him to feel responsible.
no subject
The dog owner “knows” (more precisely, “believes,” since there can always be exceptions to behavior) the other dog won’t bite, but the*stranger* doesn’t know that!
no subject
The dog owner “knows” (more precisely, “believes,” since there can always be exceptions to behavior) the other dog won’t bite, but the*stranger* doesn’t know that!
That behavior could land the dog in the hospital, the morgue, or the death chamber, especially if they’re large and/or a stigmatized breed—-and even before law enforcement enters the picture, consider the possibility (your userinfo places you in the US) that the stranger is armed and trigger-happy.
no subject
I don't give a fuck if your dog is "friendly". I want it under your control and away from me.
Also all those dogs that have chased me are off leash, and there have been local (and building) leash laws in all of those places. So. Also maybe obey the law????
no subject
I vastly preferred the owner of the enormous fluffy german shephers, which were exquisitely behaved, but who understood that people found them intimidating and so kept them on leads and when someone approached in the opposite direction on their walk would always step aside from the path and command them to sit.