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agonyaunt2025-03-19 11:03 am
petrea_mitchell) wrote in agonyaunt2025-03-19 11:03 am
Entry tags:
Honesty of varying kinds
Actual headline: Why Tho? My friend’s ‘honesty’ makes me never want to be around her
Dear Lizzy,
I have backed off from a friend of seven years because she is too honest and butts in and discusses my personal business. I was recently fired for an honest mistake after 43 years at my job. I chose to tell people I retired. While at a dinner party for her retirement, she announced to everyone at the table that I did not retire but in fact got fired. Dead silence. I was so humiliated and angry I couldn’t speak. I got awkward stares and wanted to just leave. She doesn’t understand why this was wrong and feels she is just honest. No apology. Am I too sensitive? By the way, I don’t miss her.
No Regrets
Dear No Regrets,
The fact that you don’t miss your former “friend” is a great indication that losing her from your life has not been a negative thing.
I don’t think you should lie, in a general sense, but there are always cases where some people might not need all the information and that’s OK too! The fact that you trusted this woman with the truth meant you considered her part of your circle of real friends and she very clearly abused that privilege.
Sometimes, people use “I’m just being honest!” as an excuse to be mean. I don’t know why your friend is the way she is, but she sounds like that type of person. Probably she is hurt. Maybe she wants attention. Usually, most behavior like this comes down to a desire to be seen by other people. For some people who struggle to get good attention, bad attention works almost as well.
But, I don’t think you overreacted. If your friend had an ethical problem with your lie, she should have spoken to you privately. Instead, she purposely humiliated you and when you pointed it out, she doubled down. There’s no need to keep a person like that in your life.
Good luck!
Lizzy
Dear Lizzy,
I have backed off from a friend of seven years because she is too honest and butts in and discusses my personal business. I was recently fired for an honest mistake after 43 years at my job. I chose to tell people I retired. While at a dinner party for her retirement, she announced to everyone at the table that I did not retire but in fact got fired. Dead silence. I was so humiliated and angry I couldn’t speak. I got awkward stares and wanted to just leave. She doesn’t understand why this was wrong and feels she is just honest. No apology. Am I too sensitive? By the way, I don’t miss her.
No Regrets
Dear No Regrets,
The fact that you don’t miss your former “friend” is a great indication that losing her from your life has not been a negative thing.
I don’t think you should lie, in a general sense, but there are always cases where some people might not need all the information and that’s OK too! The fact that you trusted this woman with the truth meant you considered her part of your circle of real friends and she very clearly abused that privilege.
Sometimes, people use “I’m just being honest!” as an excuse to be mean. I don’t know why your friend is the way she is, but she sounds like that type of person. Probably she is hurt. Maybe she wants attention. Usually, most behavior like this comes down to a desire to be seen by other people. For some people who struggle to get good attention, bad attention works almost as well.
But, I don’t think you overreacted. If your friend had an ethical problem with your lie, she should have spoken to you privately. Instead, she purposely humiliated you and when you pointed it out, she doubled down. There’s no need to keep a person like that in your life.
Good luck!
Lizzy
no subject
If the "honest mistake" was only a pretext, then imho LW needs to talk to an employment lawyer re the possibility of wrongful dismissal.